Resolutions

Time to dust off the pages of this blog for the beginning of a new year.

A new year, all shiny and clean, so full of possibility.  A blank slate of potential.  Every year we're going to change the course of our lives, aren't we?  Take the world and 2014 by storm.

I am lucky to have some wonderful realists for friends, to keep me grounded.  Some of the best resolutions I've seen posted tonight include, "I resolve to be even more awesome," and  "I will lower my expectations to increase my chances for success."

I like these.   I do.

Yet I still find myself called to dream big, lured by all that pristine newness into believing all things are possible.

And so, an ambitious list of resolutions to start the year off right.

1.  Run a half marathon.  This one, I feel confident about.  I've even signed up for an event in May!  Putting my money where my mouth is-- $40 anyways-- so that should keep me motivated.  In 2013 I think I did well with the running overall, especially with adding a mile to my distance every month.  So, let's do this.

2. Blog better.  Let me be specific with my goal on this one, because specificity helps.  I want to try to blog at least 2 times a week (across the two blogs) and I want my writing to be more intentional.  Not just a recounting of our daily exploits and a collection of photos (lovely as those may be!) but really writing, delving into issues that matter to me or playing with language and structure.  Maybe not every time I write, but sometimes.

So, I'm pretty pysched about these two resolutions.  I think these are measurable and doable and will help me toward those more esoteric goals of "losing weight", "being more healthy," and "making time for what matters to me".  But to accomplish number 1 and 2, I will need to...

3. Be more intentional with my time.  Here's where my nice, measurable list falls apart.  Because this one is big, and it could take myriad forms.  What I am thinking about right now is some combination of less Facebook and more attention to each task at hand, less multi-tasking and more quality work, and letting some things rest (laundry, I'm talking to you) in order to make time for what matters.  Whew.

Finally, I really hope to...

4. Keep improving my attitude.  In 2014 I resolve to seek contentment, practice patience, revel in gratitude, and find joy in these moments that are my life.  And most of all I resolve to be gentle to myself when I fail on this one.  And to keep trying.  I am still learning.

Adieu to 2013.  A fine year indeed for our family, full of sunshine and happy changes and gentle contentment with our routine.  And welcome to 2014.  May it bring blessings to each of us as we all grow into our lives.

November 28

Today's the day.  Gratitude is flowing like a river over on the Facebook.  As I reveled in the positivity and grace that filled my newsfeed I found myself wondering what our world might be like if these were the words on our lips every day.

To quote a friend, may every day be an occasion to be thankful.

Today, though-- it did merit more than its fair share.

So much bounty today.  A house full of family, a long table filled with food and conversation, rooms warm and soft with voices and laughter. More desserts than we could handle.  Grown cousins sharing memories, young ones making new ones.  It felt good to be back in Grandma Gertie's house -- now Aunt Pat's house, updated and refurnished but still in so many ways the house of childhood visits, of hours spent playing with toys in the magical coat closet (the light turned on by itself when you opened the door! imagine!)-- eating trail bologna and chatting easily with my Strasburg family.  I may be partial but these are some of the best people I know in the world.  Kind, caring, funny and blunt.  You never have to worry about pretense with my family; what you see is what you get-- and it is all wonderful.  I loved watching Jack and Ivy get to know everyone.  They were at ease instantly.  Even Ivy, who has not been here since she was 6 weeks old, said as we walked in, "I remember this house!"

The only sad part of today was the knowledge that it has been 3 years since our last visit.

No excuse for that.

We've vowed to not let it happen again.

So tonight I am thankful for family, thankful to be a part of this group.  Thankful for all their welcoming hearts, for our shared memories.  Thankful for the chance for Jack and Ivy to play hide and seek with the next generation of cousins, to form their own new family bonds.

I am thankful for this day, for good health and good roads and a pretty, crispy, snow-covered afternoon.  I am grateful for a quiet walk through the Strasburg streets.  I am grateful for good food and good company and a quiet evening at home watching Dr. Who.  I am grateful for this day and the richness that is my life.

May we all keep this spirit of gratitude in our hearts, every day.

November 26

Last night's entry would've been a short one if I'd managed to blog.  Last night, I was grateful to have Nat back home.  Spent my blogging time happily chatting with him til past my bedtime.  So there.

Actually, there was lots to be grateful for yesterday.  Some of the highlights:

* the opportunity to get my children ready and off to school in the morning.  Routine and ordinary though it may sound, it was a gift.  I loved watching Jack skip off down the path, so serious about being on time.  And the cuteness factor in Ivy's preschool class is really out of control.

* a short and peaceful day at school.  Students who, despite the fact that they've been driving me crazy and I've been too short with them of late, said they'd miss me when I went to my conference on Tuesday.

* My too-kind co-teacher who surprised me with a perfect birthday gift.  As if working with her weren't gift enough.

Tonight, I am grateful  to have slept in until 7, the second morning in a row.  I am grateful for the opportunity to go to a workshop with one of my favorite co-workers, a day of learning and collaborating and drinking coffee with nice, cooperative adults.  I am grateful again to have my family all together, grateful that I do not have to single-parent all the time.  We are blessed with our partnership, Nat and I.  I am grateful for a coffee date, for companionable work together over an Americano.  I am grateful for family dinners in Lakewood and the gift of time to sing with my choir.  I am grateful that some of our pieces are really starting to come together, just in time for the concert.  I am grateful for the friendly and funny group of sopranos I am sitting with, and that my seat in concert order is in the front and on the end, my favorite place to sing.  I am grateful that the roads weren't any worse driving home, and that the world is soft and white and magical outside my window, as candles glitter within.  I love snow when I am not on the road with it.  I am grateful for this reminder that these upcoming holidays, stress and scheduling aside, serve such a deep purpose for me: a settling in, a slowing down, sheltering from the storm and pushing back the dark.  I am ready to greet this next month with a grateful heart.

November 24

Tonight I am grateful for a quiet day with my littles, for snuggling in with movies, for cooking and puttering about the house.  I am grateful for phone calls and Skype and the relationships my children have with all their grandparents.  I am grateful for dinner swap, as much for the tea and conversation as for the ready meals.  I missed everyone last week.  I am grateful that my husband is heading home tomorrow.  I like it better when he is here.

November 23

Tonight I am grateful for friends and playdates, for company on a snowy Saturday, for the wonderful refreshment of a really cold day.  I am grateful for the creativity of a good museum exhibit, for my kids, pretending and playing together, for their joy in all the moments of the day.  I am grateful for afternoon movies and kids snuggled on a couch and a few stolen moments to make the downstairs rooms sparkle.  I am grateful for the fact that most nights, I am looking forward to my husband's return home, right about now.  Absence certainly does make the heart grown fonder and I am grateful to be missing him only for a few more days.

November 22

Tonight I am grateful for my mom, who took over kid duty and had dinner waiting for me this evening.  Johnny Marzetti, no less.
I am grateful that Nat made it safely to Baltimore, that he gets to connect with so many wonderful people this weekend-- though I do wish I were there with him to see them too.
I am grateful that I have a husband who is so very missable when he is away.
I am grateful for relatively complaint students at school and a nice, uncomplicated outing.
I am grateful for quiet, tonight.

November 21

I am grateful that I was not at work until 8:30 tonight.
I am grateful for Thursday nights, together as a family, two parents home for bedtimes.  It feels luxurious.
I am grateful that tomorrow is Friday.  The weeks have been long at work, of late.  Yet, so terribly, incredibly fast.
I am grateful that my life is full enough to let time feel fast.
I am grateful for the little voices calling "mom!" over and over and over each evening.  Both the joyous "mommmy!" of greeting and the whiny repetitive "momma" of little people demanding my time and attention for each tiny thing.  I am grateful for their demands and the tiny things they want to show me, even when I am tired and a (big) part of me doesn't want to say "yes?"... I am so very lucky to have these little, emerging humans calling my name.
I am grateful for the miracle of a fresh coat of paint on a basement wall.

November 20

Tonight I am grateful for my husband's wonderful backrubs.  I am grateful too that both my conferences and my children's behavior were smooth and uncomplicated on this long long day.  The kiddos were troupers, hanging out at school for almost 4 hours with me.  I am grateful for my wonderful co-worker, who kept Ivy busy for 40 minutes and made herself a new, 3 year old best friend.  I am grateful for photos of our summer, to keep my heart warm on this chilly night.  Working on the annual photo book is good for the soul.  The moments I have to be grateful for are too many and wonderful to fit on a page...

November 19

Tonight I am feeling grateful for my family.  For my own little unit of 5, for the way we move through life together, pieces of a whole, knowing one another so fully and sharing all the small moments, good and bad. For my mother and my sister, the three of us, strong women all, our shared history and our dreams for the future.  For my father and stepmother, for the gifts of time and travel and support and inspiration  they've always given me (how I wish I could see them every week!). For my cousins and aunts, my far-flung family,  Hendersons and Heids, scattered around this country but called to be together more and more as the years go by.  Without our anchors-- Grampy, Grandma Gertie-- we've struggled.  But we are still family and there is still time and there are beach houses to share and giant Thanksgiving dinners to plan and I am so grateful for each of these people who share my genes and my history.
Time is flying towards the aforementioned Thanksgiving day and in this rush of days leading up to it, I am grateful for the chance to slow down and think about the people in my life, and the joy they bring me.  I am grateful too for music, for the Brahams Requiem, for a director who makes music theory exciting to learn; for crispy cold night air, for quick shopping trips and lingering conversations with the man I love. I  am grateful for my health and my busy, busy life.  I wouldn't have it any other way.  Except for maybe with more time to sleep.

November 18

I am grateful this evening for this quiet house, for a clean kitchen, for the peace of soft lighting and a feeling of things being squared away.  At least for tonight.
I am grateful for windy crisp evenings and rustling leaves, for happy and cooperative little shopping buddies, for the simple joy of a candy necklace and a gumball. 
I am grateful for good workouts to start the day and graham crackers with milk to finish it off.

November 17

I am grateful tonight for days spent at home, for energetic project days and making change in our home.  I am grateful for our cooperative children.  And for educational television programming that made a day of projects possible.  I am grateful for the burst of sunshine this afternoon, for a quick walk through the gully across the street, for my curious children balancing on fallen logs and poking around in the undergrowth. After scoping out the derelict state of the two vacant houses there, I am even more grateful for my cozy, solid home.  I am grateful for healthy children, a husband who supports my crazy ideas, and a snuggly spaniel.  I am grateful for this weekend that felt almost long enough to get everything done.

November 16

Grateful tonight:
A great shopping experience at baby bargain bonanza-- got practically everything on my list plus the fun of shopping with my mom.
Extra bonus-- coffee and brunch and time to talk with my mom, after.
The warm weather and following our whim to go for a hike in bedford.
Browns and grays of the forest in fall, highlighted by shocks of color, one red leaf tucked among the stones by the river, the green of ferns glowing from the spaces between the trees.
Two big kids hiking down and back up with independence and enthusiasm.
One happy, happy spaniel bouncing through the woods.
A giddy little boy coming home from a hockey party with red sprayed hair and face paint and alight with the thrill of being out, hours past bedtime, without his parents.

November 15

Today  I am grateful for:

warmer temperatures
sunny skies
starting the day with spinning class
working for 3 hours
the chance to collaborate with parents and colleagues
soup, salad and breadsticks lunch
well-behaved children at said lunch
afternoons full of extra time
an extra sweet boy happy to have his mom home with him
new running shoes
leftover buffet for dinner
evening walks on darkened streets, full moon washed over with wisps of cloud
leaves rustling under 8 feet and four paws
a little boy who loves his sister
a little girl who keeps me in stitches
evening coffee from starbucks
snuggly blankets
dreaming up ideas with my husband
days like today

November 14

Today at the end of a long, long day (almost 14 hours at school), I am thankful for the act of coming home, for the family I have to come home to.  For an excited singing spaniel, a snuggly tired girl, a sweet boy leaning in for hugs and wanting to cut out snowflakes.  I am thankful, too for the chance to choose the positive, to emphasize the good; the privilege of bringing light into another parent's eyes through genuine praise of the genuine good in their child.  That is totally worth 5 extra hours at school.

November 12 and 13

Yesterday was full of gratitude and short on the time to write about it.

Grateful for:
-- West Shore Chorale, beautiful voices and beautiful people
-- the fact that I have been lucky to sing with John Drotleff for almost 20 years now
--singing almost in tempo and a lot better in tune.  We may in fact be ready for our concert.
--driving home with Fiona.  She is one of the lights of my week.
--a snowstorm that was much lighter than expected, flakes fluttering down through patchy sun rather than sticking to the roads.  One less awful commute for the winter.
--a coffee date with my husband
-- dinner with my mom
--a Gram who is teaching my son to sew!  I am so happy to watch my kids' relationship with my mom grow and change and blossom as these years go by.


And today! Today I am grateful that it is Wednesday, halfway through the week.  I am grateful for a warm bed with flannel sheets, waiting for my imminent arrival.  I am grateful for my fellow teachers who are so flexible and helpful and accommodating as they work to make middle school a better place for my students. I am grateful for a quiet evening at home, for card games on the carpet and playing pretend; for mycreative daughter pretending to be a snail slithering, laying on her tummy under a laundry basket; for my son, the emerging artist, carefully creating a "pes of art" for mommy to take to work.   I am grateful that he loves his pet rat, and that he doesn't fight about homework.  I am grateful for the pat-pat-pat of Ivy's hands when we snuggle. I am grateful for my cornbag and hot tea, for clean floors and having a dishwasher.  My life is full of convenience and ease and I will not forget to be grateful for that, even in the face of the constant cycle of picking up and cleaning up and then picking up some more.  I am grateful for the opportunity to pick up after these healthy, happy, mess making children.  I am grateful for the opportunity to clean this safe, strong house.  We are collecting change to donate to the Phillipines, supporting the efforts of third graders at Jack's school.  My coins are miniscule token in the face of the tragedy there.  I cannot instantly rebuild their homes and lives, though I would will it to be so if only I could.  But I can hold the people of Manila and Tacloban in my heart and work like crazy to learn from this, that we cannot take our lives and homes and comfort and happiness for granted.  Not for one minute. 

November 11

Veteran's Day, so I must note that I am, in fact, grateful to the sacrifices of the men and women who have fought in our wars, despite the fact that the thought of all that fighting eats a hole through my soul. I am grateful that others have gone through the horror of war so that I can be complacent and free here at home.  I would be more grateful if the cost of my complacency and freedom did not have to be violence.

Sigh.

In the meantime, a dose of gratitude for the beauty of this complacent and free life I am so lucky to have.

Tonight I am grateful for a quiet day at school, only a little middle school drama to keep the day interesting.

I am grateful for a fun afternoon of swimming with the kids, for my little fish who are just taking off with their swimming more and more each time we go, for an hour playing together in the Family Place, for cardboard block castles and yoga on the mats, for peanut butter sandwiches and children being kind to one another. 

I am grateful for scented candles and my fake fireplace and a cozy dog to snuggle on a snowy night.

I am grateful that my progress reports are almost done.

I am grateful for peanut butter and honey sandwiches.

November 10

So much to be grateful for today, as I sit here in my cozy quiet living room, drinking wine, scented candles and the voices of some of my favorite people filling the room with warmth and joy.

I am grateful for my friends, for their stories and kindness and smiles and the comfort I feel with them.

I am grateful for soup and shared meals, for homemade bread and friendships, for children running around my house in princess dresses and happiness.

I am grateful for Real Simple magazine, and the article three years ago that inspired dinner swap.

I am grateful for a visit to the art museum on a grey November day, for the bustle and crowds filling the galleries.  I am so in love with this new space in our city. It is a gift.

I am grateful for my daughter, my shopping buddy today, a spark of light running around Zagaras in her purple tutu, bringing smiles to everyone she passed.

I am grateful for my son, so independent, heading up to his room to hang out with his friend during soup, so tall and grown up all of a sudden.

I am grateful for the warmth that can be found on a cold fall day.

November 9

Tonight, I am grateful for all simple things that made me happy today.

1.  The leaves are STILL beautiful.  Driving across town on a cloudy-blue day was a delight.

2.  This morning a good 20 cars stopped and waiting patiently  on MLK while a flock of geese crossed the road.

3.  We celebrated the birthday of our favorite set of twins, a perfect party where all of our children played happily amidst wonderful sea-themed décor.

4.  Raking leaves, when done together on a perfect November afternoon, is actually a fun recreational activity.

5.  Jumping in leaves-- even better.

6.  Going out to eat at Dewey's.  Need I say more?

7.  A little girl who says "I love you" out of the blue.

8.  A little boy who offers his own quarters to pay for parking. 

9.  Even though we were busy/cleaning almost all day, I still had time for:  a resale event, shopping at the Botanical Garden Store open house, AND sitting on the couch with iced coffee this afternoon.

10.  There is still one more day of this lovely weekend to come.

November 8

It was a good Friday.

 Tonight, I am grateful for:

*This morning, leaving the gym after a 7.5 mile run, the crisp wintry air in my lungs, snow dusted ground against crimson trees and a glowing sunrise sky to start the day.

*A field trip with my students, the chance to get out of the classroom, a glimpse of a steely grey Lake Erie after lunch, conversation with a colleague on a calm bus ride home.  They may make me crazy at school but I was certainly grateful for all those cell phones on the drive today.

*A perfect Friday night with our friends, a shared meal and birthday brownies for two wonderful four-year-olds.  Our four children, playing together, throwing balloon fish and giggling like mad.  I am so grateful for the comfort and ease of time with our "chosen family".

*a fluffy clean dog, hot tea, and good TV to wind the evening down.

November 6 and 7

Tonight I am grateful for patient blog readers who will forgive a lapse in posting.  Midweek evenings on the heels of daylight savings time and a cold front do not inspire effulgent thankfulness.  Add to that the dark and the cold and a group of 8th graders with ADHD and an attitude, and these are days that try men's souls... or test one's capacity for gratitude, at any rate.

These are the days when it is the most vital to practice.

Tonight I am thankful for a movie night, Harry Potter and my husband's excellent popcorn, my two littles with me, snuggled against the chilly night, full of questions and excitement.

I am thankful for the challenge and reward in teaching a student who truly wants to learn, who has just been waiting to be taught.

I am thankful for my little girl in her ballet tights and pointed feet, copying each pose in her Miss Tutu book.

I am thankful for my boy, lover of math, doing two-digit, two step math problems in his head. Because he likes to.

I am thankful for my healthy family and a warm house, for books on tape and friendly conversation.  I am thankful that tomorrow is Friday.

November 5

Today I am grateful for an hour of sleep this morning, a day off from the gym so I could vote.  I am grateful to live in a place where I have the right to vote,  make my voice heard and work towards positive change alongside my neighbors.  As I filled in oval after oval, saying yes to the opportunity to pay more taxes... I realized I am grateful for a government that works to use my contributions for the greater good (at least, I hope it will be for the greater good.  As long as a few key issues pass...). I am grateful for a few moments of playing playmobil with my daughter, snuggling and chatting with my son.  I am grateful for warm tea and a warm dog and time spent with my husband, who always makes me laugh.

November 4

I am thankful for a quiet start to the week, for great co-workers who are flexible and help me rise to the challenge of each day.  I am grateful for the sunshine that greeted me at 7am on my drive to work.  I am grateful for a good spinning class, that I have found a new instructor whose teaching I enjoy.  I am grateful for an easy evening with my children, a swim and a drive and pizza-in-front-of-tv dinner, quality time together just us three.  I am grateful for the excellent family locker rooms at the JCC.  I am grateful that my son enjoys his schoolwork, that he cooperates with homework even at 8:00pm, that he "shows his thinking" on math word problems by writing, "aha!" next to his answer.  I am grateful that Ivy's first parent-teacher conference was a grand success and that my little girl is a joy to have in class, just as she is a joy to have at home.  I am grateful for bedtime snuggles and hot tea, for sugar-maple reds lining South Woodland, for my washing machine and my dog.

November 3

I am grateful for an extra hour on a glorious fall day, for relaxing morning, french toast breakfast, cooking and cleaning and baths for the kids, all before 10:30 in the morning.  I am grateful for golden fall sunshine and intoxicating overlays of red and orange in the blue-sky light. I am grateful for Wade Oval and the Cleveland Museum of Art and Lakeview -- these treasures in my backyard.  Perfection on this perfect day, wandering the sculpture garden, looking at the giant koi, watching wedding photography in action over the glittering reflections in the pond.  I am grateful that my children are at home in  museums, that they know their favorite paths through the galleries, that they move past the art with respect and with joy.  I am grateful for quick kisses in fall sunshine and a happy running spaniel.   I am grateful for early dinners and family yoga and bedtime an hour ahead.  I am grateful for this moment of quiet to type in the quiet of my house, a bit of calm before the week to come.

November 2

Today I am grateful that my husband is so very good at giving a back massage.  And that the leaves are somehow still so brilliant, even in the midst of a soggy grey November day.  I am grateful for a morning spent resale shopping with my boy, an afternoon spent by myself at Starbucks, an evening spent surrounded by friends.  I am grateful for coffee.  I am grateful for the small-town feel of this city I call home, for chili cook-off fundraisers full of neighbors and friends, familiar faces all around.  I am grateful for the funny things my children say.  I am grateful for the comfort and ease of our lives, that we can spend the afternoon at a birthday party, doing nothing but watching a group of beautiful little ones run and tumble and laugh.  I am grateful for time with my mom, for quick lunches and snatches of conversation, grateful we live close enough to take these regular visits for granted.  I am grateful for my cozy new downstairs office, for my laptop to type on, and for my large collection of blank books.  I am grateful for the internet for linking me to friends, for the all the connections I have made in my life and the joy of seeing smiles on their faces even when we are far apart.   Gratitude comes easily on a Saturday.  I'm grateful for that, too.

November 1

Tonight I am grateful for the brilliant splashes of red and gold leaves against the grey of leafless branches.  I am grateful for mild weather and a quiet day.  I am grateful that I had time for a lunch break today.  I am grateful for my wonderful teaching assistant, who anticipates what the classroom needs and steps in seamlessly to cover in a crisis.  I am grateful to be the one who a child comes to in a crisis, the person they ask to see. I am grateful for my strong legs that can run and walk and reach and play.  I am grateful for quiet and comfortable Friday nights, for talking with my wonderful friend as our children play together peacefully in the next room.  I am grateful for princess dresses and fairy wings and the intense beauty of my son and daughter. I am grateful for my dog, her gaze and floppy ears and love that radiates out from her, and the way she puts her paw on my arm.  I am grateful for two-parent bedtimes and the fact that I don't have to fold all this laundry alone.  I am grateful that tomorrow is Saturday. 

May 5

So far so good.   Last week's "training"report:

Weds- 2.5 miles, speed intervals.  
Thursday- walking day!  Three block walk to enjoy the flowering trees on Somerton, waked ivy to ballet, and walked the track with Melinda.
Friday-  my first 5 miler!  Boring, but doable. I have to tell you, I didn't even look at the time, though based on my speed it should have taken around 50 minutes.
 For the first two miles I thought of nothing but stopping, but after mile three I kind of forgot I was running and just got intomthemold episode of Greys anatomy I was watching.  I didn't feel tired until about 2 pm...
Saturday-- got my exercise loading and unloading bins from the van for the baby bargain bonanza in the morning. And  rehearsing for a few hours.  And, my mom and I walked a mile at Lakewood Park. Had designs on a walk through the cultural gardens, too, but tired children meant time close to home instead.
Today-- let's just call it an active rest day, ok?  Concert tonight, wandering the beach today.  A fair amounts of sitting and standing and soaking up the sun.  Back to business at the gym tomorrow.

27 days!

May 1

I could launch into a litany of excuses.

I was tired/busy/not inspired to write because [insert standard excuses here].

Ok.

Moving on.

It's May and the sun has come out and the flowers are blooming and the evenings linger, sumptuous and brimming with the green of new life.

I'm inspired again.

Perhaps overly so.  I've bought paint in 5 colors over the past week.  I've signed up for a 5K. I've got this little girl who is turning 3 in a matter of days.  Jack's soccer schedule adds two more events per week to schedule in.  I have both a concert and a resale this weekend.  The school year is hurtling towards a close, crowded with meetings and much to fit in 4 short weeks.

Life is full indeed and a part of me thinks that just making it through these next 30 days in one piece may be challenge enough.

So for this month I will acknowledge that an every-single-day goal just might not be feasible.

And that to get everything done I will probably need to multi-task.  In a serious way.

With that in mind my challenge this month will be to train, purposely, towards the goal of not embarrassing myself too badly in the 5K Becca and I are running on June 2nd.

This probably won't entail running every day but it might include exercise of some sort every day, and at the very least following a structured workout schedule and plan of increasing distances and speed drills.

It's worth a shot, right?

I'm off to a decent start, with 2.5 miles of speed intervals under my belt this morning.  Friday may be a challenge as my distance days in May are supposed to be at least 5 miles...

Here's to minimal embarassment!  And surviving May!

I promise to take time to smell the flowers....

April!

Well.

Let's just pretend that March only had 19 days, ok?

Between that nasty cold, traveling to Wyoming, and a period of ennui in between, there wasn't a lot of poetry in my heart the last few weeks of the month.

I lie.  There was plenty of poetry in my heart in Wyoming.  I do love it there.  But being on single mom duty, with a time change, and the altitude... Excuses excuses....

A part of me wants to try again this month, as apparently it is National Poetry Month.

A part of me also wants to get my arse back on the exercise bandwagon (illness plus travel is also bad for one's gym routine....) with something ambitious like exercising every day...

A part of me is waiting for inspiration to strike, for a good, meaningful focus to appear before me... Something that will keep me going for a full, life-shifting Thirty Days...

I'm going to blame the time change again, and beg for a few more days to decide...

More later....

March 18

little girl
you
with the eyes that gleam
the knowing smile
Eyebrows that tell a story

little face
Pink lips
Hair in your eyes
Brushed back with your wrist

you
With the funny voice
The sweetest kiss
The indomitable spirit

I could not love you more
If I tried

March 19

In chorus

For this moment
We are all
Like minded
Like voiced
Blending and unified
On one open-mouthed ahh

Eyes raised
Hearts raised
We work together to create

A note
A tone
A chord
A dream

When we walk out
Of this space
At 9:30
We will go back to our
Own lives
Own ideas
Politics
Jobs
Our own colored lenses on the world

But right now
For this moment

We are working
In chorus.

March 17

So.   A brief hiatus to deal with a nasty spring cold that knocked me right on my derriere for a few days.  I did have some momentary inspiration for verses about my aching bones on Thursday, but not the energy to type.   Tonight- feeling better, thank you.  Not particularly inspired, but better...

I did promise to try, though, so here is me, getting back on track...

Fever

there is something
out of body
about
a fever

acutely aware
of each of my bones

from a distance

trapped and dizzy
shuffling
hot

aching ankles
burning skin

focused on each step
each move
the promise of sleep
or ibuprofen
 
it will not consume me

I am only watching!

but first,
I think,
a nap
 

March 13

Snuffly nose today and tired.   Not the best time for poetic inspiration. 
I wrote a kind of crappy poem about the new pope and then I deleted it.

I promise to try harder tomorrow.

March 12

Today at Starbucks Nat and I happened to be discussing the relative similarities and differences of Hilton Head and Nantucket (give us time alone, and you just never know where the conversation will go!) Nat, arguing for differences, stated that "no one ever wrote a limerick about Hilton Head."

Sounds like a challenge to me.

A limerick about Hilton Head

There once was a man from Hilton Head
Who liked to sleep in a built-in bed
He had very long sheets
Tucked over his feets
But he wished that he had a kilt instead.

March 10

The sun came out today
A breath of hope
a warm sigh on my skin

My children played soccer
made sandcastles
tracked in mud and leaves
smelled like fresh air
climbed
rolled
for the sheer joy of rolling
in the sun-warmed grass

Let the snow come again
if it must

I will have this taste of
spring
to hold on to

March 10

It was a wonderful day out today, the sort of day that gives one hope for the future.  Much of the day was spent at a rehearsal, but I did get some outside time by meeting everyone at the zoo for a bit.  Lots of animals were outside, but my favorite viewing opportunity was the giraffe house.  When they are inside, you can get so much closer to them, these gorgeous, fascinating creatures....


With their alien eyes
preternaturally long lashes
horns like antennae
high enough for any signal


giraffes

may be the strangest of the animals

Thoughtful, too,
with their heads at a slant

they regard us.

the largest of them
is playing with a barrel
suspended
from the ceiling

I did not know giraffes played with barrels.

What other secrets do they hide?

March 8

Tonight we hosted these two lovely college girls, singers with the Kenyon college choir, on tour and needing housing for the night.  They are remarkable, in that way that college kids are remarkable. Beautiful.  Fresh.  Ready for the world.  We've had the most delightful evening chatting, drinking wine and editing pizza. It's quite a great to spend time with people who have not yet heard all our stories. :)

Their concert was pretty amazing too.

Resonant

Song pours out
From their faces
Ebullient
Resonant

With possibilities

They rejoice in the music
Imbue
It with a life

So strong in them
So full

Of light
In their eyes
Voices
Stories
Hopes

To be so young!

So much beauty on one stage
So much power

These smooth shining beings
Ready to take on
The world

 I applaud them
Clap  until my hands hurt
And it is for them
And also for my own youth

The memory of it
So sweet
So real

It resonates here
Vibrates
Rings out to silence
With the final chord

March 7

Today at school I was working with my students on alliteration.  They need some more practice identifying this so I thought I'd write something with a few nice, straightforward examples...



After dinner

Snow soft
flakes fall
around the block

hands hold
children chatter
sudden snowflakes
gently gather

tired troops
heading home
from our walk

March 6

Little fish

This one
The one with his hand stretched out to touch
The bottom
This one
strong kicking off the wall
This one
Settling his goggles on the top of his head
With confidence
With ease
Pushing back wet hair
To smile

This one

The little fish

I can't believe he's mine.

March 4

In my experience
I have found

Mondays
do not inspire poetry

That is all.

March 5

Tonight

We are trumpets
We fanfare
in runs and trills and
synco
pation
We are bold
We are brass
We herald

each bright chord an
announcement
of dramas to come

Sight reading
count singing
We laugh at our mistakes
revel in the right notes

And trumpet on

March 3

White

A playful snow is falling,
like glitter from the sky.
Mounds and drifts are forming,
the wind is whistling by.

The world is white and shining.
Lovliest snow I've seen.
But it's March now, and I'm dreaming
of someday seeing green. 

March 2nd

What we saw


Puffs of breath in winter- cold air
Knob-kneed newborns, wobbling in their fuzz
Small hands touching a horse's great head
Escaping lambs
Old friends
Leaping sheep
Sleeping pigs
A one eyed rabbit
Syrupy faces
Brilliant quilts
Snow covered fields
An approaching tractor, blazing orange
Three small straight backs sharing a wagon bench
The newness
The brightness
Th joy of it all
Through the eyes of our children





Oh, by the way...make that six heartwarming responses....

March 1

February was a lovely month of love letters.

Well, actually, it was a pretty cold and snowy month of love letters.  Crummy weather, made just a little better through the act of bringing a little more love into the world.  Twenty eight letters was an ambitious goal considering my usual energy level most days of the week... So I am ok with the fact that I think I got about 18 letters out into the world, with 3 more awaiting addresses.  Of those, 8 were  to strangers, and were left at gas stations, the gym, grocery store, Walgreens, and on a bench at Wade Oval.  I will never know if they accomplished their mission of brightening someone's day, but I like to think that they found their way into the hands of the people who needed them the most.

The other letters went out to friends and family, about half of those to old friends who I have not seen in years, but who came into my heart when I looked at my bin of stationary.   I've not heard back from most of those yet-- but then, several were only sent out a few days ago as it took a while to track down addresses.

I've had lovely, heart warming responses from the recipients of 5 of my letters, and those have been affirmation enough to convince me to carry on this tradition.

There are so many more people who deserve a letter, who deserve to be told just how amazing they are, just how much I love them.  I've decided  I'm going to keep that stationary right where it is and try to send out a letter or two a month from now on.  So if you've not gotten a letter yet, do not despair. You are in my heart! I am just waiting for the best time to do you justice...

In the meantime....  March has come in like a halfhearted and lazy lion, and it is time for a new thirty days....

At school this month I am studying poetry with my students.  I am making these reluctant little writers of mine create their own poems ( yes, I am a glutton for punishment!).  I figure the least I can do is join them.  So for this month: a poem every day.  I can't promise they'll be good.  But I like the idea of stretching my creativity a bit, giving a nod to some actual writing, beyond Facebook status updates and chronicling the escapades of my children....

At the African Dance and Soul Food Potluck

Drum beats
Pound out the shape
Of community
Collected
Faces of our children
All
Sizes and colors and shapes and
They are so real
They shine
Joy
Gleams out from the dancers
Feet flying
Pounding
Ringing
Twisting and turning
My heart
Into the shape
Of home.

February 20

• My letters, it seems, have been doing good work as they head out into the world.  Here are a few responses I've gotten in the past few days.

  
  

  Wouldn't it be grand if a few of my recipients are, in fact,  inspired to pick up a pen and pass on the love?  

  
  

  Posted on Facebook:

  
  

  Random Acts of Kindness- Love letters. Pass it on.

  Letter writing has not stayed with the times. We, email, facebook, text, but an old fashioned letter? I received one today from my niece, Amanda Cobes, that made me cry with tears of happiness. Thank you my dear, for taking on this "old-fashioned' communication. It was an art I once had and have placed on the sidelines. Time to revive it. Pass it on- make a person feel wonderful.

  Unlike ·  ·  · Hide from Timeline

  
  

  
  

  And, an email response to another letter:

  
  

   Amanda,

  
  

  What a lovely, wonderful note to receive on Valentines Day.  It means a lot to me.  I will keep that note for the rest of my life.

  
  

  Thank you,

  
  

  John

  
  

  
  

  
  

  Makes staying up late to script a little note seem pretty darn worthwhile, eh?  

  
  

  I am glad I am doing this. 

  
  

  This week, letters have gone out to two strangers, another high school teacher, and a friend from my church youth group. 

  
  

  The month is flying by and there are so many letters waiting to be written... 

  May have to keep this one going throughout the year...

  
  

  
  

  
  

  • 
    

February 15

While I have not been keeping up with the blog particularly well, I am pleased to say that I have been keeping up with the letters!  This week letters have been penned to:  an old friend, a stranger, a teacher, a family member, and a dog breeder.   I have to credit Nat with the idea for that last one.  It's not that I feel any particular love for the dog breeder.  It's the dog I love.  And, I suppose, I could write a love letter to Corydon.  But a big part of the joy of this month's challenge is in imagining the response of each person as they read their letter.  Cor, for all her perfection, cannot read.  But Fran, her breeder, can, and I hope she will enjoy a random letter waxing rhapsodic over one of her dogs. 

You may wonder how I go about choosing my letter recipients.  I'll tell you, there is no method to it.  I do have a small list of people who I definitely want to get to before month's end-- but that list is full of the major players in my life and it's not every night that I am up for a letter of the significance they deserve.  Instead, I am just going with what is on my heart at the moment.  Sometimes what is on my heart, is exhaustion, the need for a short and sweet missive to let me check "letter writing" off my list for the day.  Sometimes the events of the day will bring a person to mind, like a wonderful choir rehearsal the other day that inspired me to write to my high school choral director.   Frequently, the people I am pulled to write to, are those who are not in my life on a daily basis right now.  The people I miss.  The people who continue to affect me, even at a distance. 

There are so many people in this world to love.  And so many ways to feel that love. 

I am enjoying this month.

February 4, 5, 6, 7, 8...

Days fly!  But the letters are flying also.  Some have reached their intended audience.  Some are waiting for updated addresses (in this age of Facebook it is easy to forget that mailing addresses exist...).  Some have been sent out anonymously to find their way in the world and its kind of lovely that I'll never know where they  went.

I think love letters to strangers, left in public places, might be my favorite.

Well, those and the love letters that get me a wonderful hug in return.

Letter tally since last I posted:  One letter to an old friend (that's the one waiting on an address); one to a family member; one to a soldier stationed abroad, one to the wife of a soldier; waiting at home; another to an unknown stranger.

I had great plans to take a photo of each of my letters, to post here on the blog. I am struck by how very reticent I am to do that, now that the letters are being written.  Turns out, its a private thing to me, this letter writing. Even those letters that are going to strangers, that contain nothing the least bit personal-- they're private.  Between me and the person who finds them...

I've been reticent, too, to write letters to people I know.  Its not that I'm short on people I love, nor  on the sentiment to give to them. But when I set pen  to paper, its a lot of pressure, trying to find the perfect balance, the best way to celebrate and endorse that wonderful person without crossing over into platitudes and mushiness.

Never fear, I have a list!  I'll find a way to balance out these more challenging letters with the quick notes to strangers.  Those practically write themselves-- no need to hold back on the platitudes when  I don't even know who I'm writing to...

February 1, 2, and 3

Hello, world!  Sorry for going dark on you there.  Vegetable consumption, as it turns out, does not make for inspiring blogging.  It does make for decent health (one slight sniffle for the month of January, not bad) and some slight weight loss (though a stressful last week at work undid some of those strides) and a lot of increased awareness of what, and how, I eat.  What will I take forward?  A salad at every dinner.  Raw veggie snacks for the afternoon.  Two veggie sides whenever possible.  A desire to do more to improve my diet, when I have the will power, and lack of stress, needed to avoid the things I should NOT be eating, more thoroughly.  Never did get to the introduction of copious quantities of leafy greens.  Perhaps in a few months we'll focus on eating again...

But for this month:  It's February and the world is abuzz with LOVE.  I personally have taken quite a liking to Valentines's Day over the past couple decades.  This is only surprising if you happen to remember the 14 year old who painted her nails black on Valentine's Day, in protest against the unfairness of a world focused on romance.

What that young lady didn't quite understand is that Valentine's Day can be about so much MORE than romance.  I suppose its easy for me to say, having landed myself a man and all, but the romantic love piece is almost a side note.  To me, these days, it's all about letting out the love you feel, all the time, towards ALL the people in your life.   It's about taking the time to let them know how much you care about them, to express your joy in them through hearts and doilies and copious quantities of glitter.

Really, its all about making Valentines.  Heart shaped love letters to the world.  An embrace with words.  A smile wrapped up in an envelope.  Taking the time to make the love I feel, tangible.

So for this month, I am writing love letters. They won't all be Valentines (though some of them will) but they will send out embraces and care  and I hope, joy into the world.

I will write 28 letters in 28 days.  Handwritten, with purpose and care, and mailed or handed by the end of the month.

Some of them will be to people in my life right now.  Some may be to people who shaped my life in the past.  Some of them will be to strangers whose story I know.  Some will be to strangers I will never know.   This writing to strangers bit-- You may remember I gave it a trial run in December when I came across this website with the mission statement of "The world needs more love letters."

Indeed it does.  I think I will enjoy adding to the count.

Anyone care to join me?  We can never say "I love you" too often.  Who do you need to tell, today?


Off to a slow start with blogging but here are my first 3 letters, ready to go out tomorrow.  Two to strangers, one to family....

And here is my letter writing bin.  I went through all my old stationary (some of which I used for letter writing back when I was that angsty 14 year old...) and combined it here.  Excited to see how much I can go through this month!

January 19

We've made it halfway through our month of vegetables! And I'm finding myself in that part of the Thirty Days where my motivation wanes a bit.  So, a blog entry and reflection to get myself back on track...

We got off to a good start, carefully weighing out endless portions of carrots and broccoli and lettuce. Thank heavens for watermelon, which weighs in well...

Challenges this month: 

* packing lunches for work-- not used to so much chopping in the morning!

* getting in enough fruit-- this one surprises me a bit as I tend to think that I like fruit. But I am never motivated to just eat an apple or a banana. If someone would purchase, prepare and keep on hand a fruit salad, heavy on the berries, I'd have no problem eating a half pound a day...

Perks:

* Four pounds of Christmas weight are off!  Could be the fact that I've been back to the gym three times a week, or it could be that I find I really do have less room for all the other parts of the meal, after eating a bushel of greens. 

* I think my skin is evened out a bit.  Not too many other drastic physical changes to note but one does feel healthier as one crunches away on broccoli florets and cucumber on the drive home...

Goals moving forward:

* Keeping up the good work!  Trying trying trying to make this a habit.

* Weigh out the daily fruit and introduce more variety to make that part work.

* Try some cooked greens as a part of mealtimes

* Pay more attention to the eating choices around the veggies-- watch the sweets, less meat, etc.  Nothing drastic, just keeping up the consciousness for these next 11 days...

January 3

New Year's Thirty Days time!

Going to jump on that "get in shape for New Year's" bandwagon-- trite as it may be-- as I am feeling the effects of a busy, cookie-filled December and need something to jumpstart my path towards a healthier me...

I've been inspired by the "Eat to Live" diet (the book for which I got as an NPR pledge gift).  I am interested in this program because it does not purport to be a diet, rather a way of eating that is in tune with our human physiology and that builds health and strength.  The more I read and learn about what the author calls the "Standard American Diet" (or SAD, isn't that cute?) the more I am convinced of the toxicity of refined sugar and flour, our over-processed and unnatural way of eating.  The crux of this plan is to base your diet on fruit and vegetables, while limiting ( or possibly eliminating) animal products, sugars and refined grains. 

The reason I am even considering something so radical?  The plan is presented as a series of 10 steps and I am pretty sure I can get through to step 4 without a problem.  Even if I can't ever reach the semi-vegan, twigs-and-berries existence that this doctor insists is the key to health... it certainly can't hurt to have more veggies, right?  Also, this part of the plan does not restrict any foods.  It just says to add in the green matter to your regular diet.  The natural offshoot is supposed to be that we will gradually, and without resentment, begin to eat less of other foods and feel more satisfied by life in general.

We shall see.  It's worth a shot.  And I could use some vitamins and fiber to get myself back on track after the holidays...

This month: Steps 1-3 of the "Eat to Live" diet.

1.  Eat 1/2 lb of fruit and 1/2 lb of raw veggies each day.
2.  Chew everything thoroughly.
3.  Gradually increase to 1 lb or fruit and 1lb of (raw or cooked) veggies daily.   Include a lot of kale.


So far, so good.  Nat has joined me on this venture, though he has let it be known that he will not be cutting out most animal products when we reach step 6.
We've bought a small kitchen scale and are dutifully portioning out piles of bananas, apples, berries, celery, carrots, broccoli, lettuce and more lettuce...We've learned that watermelon is great because it's really heavy.  And that it takes A LOT of salad to make 1/2 pound.  And that it really keeps you busy at mealtime to eat that 1/2 lb of salad... 
 Also, it's hard to change the habit of inhaling one's food with minimal chewing.  It is going to require a lot of vigilance to make myself really chew each bite...

Now, I like salad. And I don't mind carrots and broccoli raw if I have something to dip them in.  But I think one of the challenges going forward will be finding ways to keep this veggie overload interesting.  Salad ideas, anyone?  Healthy dips?  What is your favorite vegetable to eat raw?