November 29

Sorry for the quiet, all.

I've been madly working on our Summer Photo book.  Yeah.  Summer.  I'm a little behind, and in the mad rush that precedes the mad rush of Christmas, I've been devoting my evenings to sorting and labeling digital memories of a warmer time.

Nothing to inspire gratitude like making a summer book.  These glowing, blue-sky pictures; so much laughter and light in our faces!  Looking at the photos we chose to take, chose to save, chose to put in the book.... perfect lives indeed.  Huddled under a blanket on this wintry evening, those summer months seem like a time out of time, another life altogether.  But it is with gratitude and humility that I claim them as mine.  I am grateful for our summer, for the memories we made and captured, for sunlight and lakes and family and friends and the blessings of leisure and freedom we have.

Staying up late to finish a photo book has also meant catching bits of the local news.  And being hit with gratitude in a whole new light as I watched heartbreaking stories unfold:  a deadly housefire, a three-year old boy killed in his family home.  The tragedy in the world, the deep deep sadness and hurt and damage in the souls of so many.

The stark contrast between this and the photos in our digital book.

I am so grateful for what I have been given in this life.  For opportunity.  For education.  For love and unconditional support, for a family that has surrounded me with care since the day I was born.  For having enough.  For never going without.  For each and every day my little family is spared the unthinkable. For how often and easily my children laugh.  For all the moments in every day that I smile and breathe in the beauty of the world.  For the amazing privilege and daunting responsibility of passing on security, love, stability, opportunity, life to the next generation.  

I am lucky, aren't I?  To be blessed with the beauty of having more than I need, in every way. 

There are too many people in this world who do not know that blessing.  There is too much struggle.  It is not fair that in this world, right here in this country, people are hurting so deeply that they hurt others.  It is not fair that in this world, right here in this country, people can lose everything in a single moment.  It is not right that so many people are fighting to merely survive, instead of reveling in the beauty of their world.

And it doesn't do a bit of good for me to sit here and feel sad about it all.

And so here on the eve of my 36th birthday I am deciding that my December Thirty Days needs to be a challenge to DO something.  Something to help others, to reach out beyond my comfort zone, this niche of privilege and safety, to bring joy and light and ease to their days, to lift spirits, to save lives, to share what I have been given.

Money, sure.  But what else?  That's what I am going to challenge myself to figure out.

Every day, I will give of myself in some way, to help someone I have never met.  

I am going to try to do more than checking "yes" in the box to donate money at checkout.  But, hey, that will be a start, eh?

Ideas?  Bring em on.  In what small way, today, can we make the world better for someone else?

November 23 and 24

We traveled to Michigan for some gratitude-on-location, a lovely quick weekend with family that we see far too infrequently.
Here's my grateful list from our time away:

I am grateful for this wonderful family, shaped of people who could have gone their separate ways: stepmothers, "second wives," cousins growing up in separate states, separate lives.  But we didn't.  This little bit of family has chosen to stay related, in love if not in blood, and I am so grateful for these women who have been a part of my childhood and continue to hold me in their hearts. I am grateful for my amazing little cousins, James and Laura, for how they have grown, for the tiny children I still see in them, for the inspiring adults they have become, brave and smart and true.   I am grateful for my Aunt Mary, giver of the best hugs and owner of the most beautiful and generous heart.  I am grateful for my Grandma Jan, now Great-grandma to my children, for her unfailing kindness and careful hospitality, for her shelves upon shelves of photos that tie generations together and shelter so many memories.  I am grateful for that flood of memories, for a chance to step back into my younger self, into all those visits to Grandpa and Jan's house, walks through the development, reading and reading and reading, talking and laughing with my family.  I am grateful for the love that I come from, for the warmth and joy that I have been given in my life.  I am grateful that I can bring my own children into this circle, that they will have memories of Grandma's smile, of Mary's hugs, to bolster their hearts, too.

 I am grateful for this moment in time, carved out of our busy lives, to stop and remember and be together with people, and I am grateful for my husband who drove us there to do it. I am grateful for clear, cold, smooth driving weather, for sunshine and a little bit of Christmas spirit in the air to top it all off...

November 22

Happy Thanksgiving, dear readers!

With the notable exception of a sick little boy (general malaise, headache and fever) its been a nearly perfect day.

As many people have noted, gratitude ought not be centered on just this one day a year.  And yet-- this one day is a focal point, isn't it?  We gather our families and our thankfulness together, and combine them with the force of history and patriotism, and today, warm fall sunshine, and suddenly the gratitude is palpable and contagious.

Today I have been grateful for the messages popping up on Facebook all day, simple statements of appreciation and goodwill and love.  I am grateful for my connections to all these beautiful, wonderful people, for the roads in my life that have crossed with theirs.

Today I have been grateful for so much.  Too much to list.  But I'll try.

*for walks in the fall sun
*for Pumpkin Spice lattes
*for racing down slides
*for my dog
*for Ivy's funny phrases
*For Ivy's sweet snuggles
*For freshly bathed children and the way their hair smells
*for the overabundance in my life
*for delicious food
*for neighbors and neighborhoods
*for my mom
*for the easy partnership of cooking with my husband
*for my husband and all he does
*for sleeping til after 7am
*for warm days in November
*for my sister and her rockin' mashed potatoes
*for a carefully set table
*for a smoothly prepared meal
*for our peaceful home
*for my job
*for my home
*for my friends
*for snuggling in to my cozy nest instead of going out to stores
*for having everything I need
*for not needing anything I don't have
*for this practice of gratitude and the way it helps me to find perspective

May you find perspective and gratitude and peace as the holidays surround us.  I am grateful for you!

November 21

Tonight, on Thanksgiving Eve, there is much to be grateful for.

I am grateful for this gift of a day, the absolute, Spring-in-November perfection of it.  I am grateful for the blue of the sky arching overhead and for the stunning expanse of lake to our north.  I am grateful that we took advantage of this day and spent most of it outside (even if that means that the floors are still very dirty in this house).

I am grateful for children playing on a beach, newly-made friends coming together to pretend to fish in a driftwood boat.  I am grateful for dog-friends barking and jumping and exuding joy.  I am grateful for warm sun and lake breezes and lunch out at Bearden's and days that work out just right.

I am grateful for a snuggly little girl at bedtime, for her soft scent and her warm little hands.  I am grateful for a boy who surprises me with how much he knows and how innocent he is, in all his enthusiasm.  I am grateful for the zest and joy my two little ones employ in their approach to life.  I am grateful for a day relaxed enough, complete enough, to really appreciate that zest for a change  

I am grateful for the blessings of this easy  life, this life I am lucky enough to call my own.  Sometimes it surprises me with its goodness.

November 20

I am grateful for the arrival of the holidays, stress and all.  I am grateful for the "Happy Thanksgiving!" greetings among the staff today, among the chorale, at the grocery checkout. Smiles are more freely given at this time of year and that makes the world a better place.

I am grateful for good TV shows and tea and planning where to put the Christmas tree with my honey.

I am grateful for spontaneous dance parties with the kids, all of us jumping around the living room to Some Nights, Jack rocking his wiggly dance moves, Ivy spinning herself dizzy. I am grateful for the laughter of my family.

I am grateful for a good parent-teacher conference, for my "on-track" boy and the fact that he is getting along with others, listening to the teacher, growing right up in all the ways he should.  Not to mention that he knows what a rhombus is.  I am very, very grateful for friends who step in to stay with children to let us go to conferences together.

I am grateful for the day off tomorrow, even if I don't know what to do with it yet.  I am grateful that the busyness of today, that has gotten me so thoroughly tired, was all the good kind of busy,  rushing and prepping and go-go-going to get from one good thing to another:  the class feast with my students, time with my children, conferences, choir.  May the holiday season continue to be so full of the good.

 

November 19

Tonight I am grateful that this is not a complaining blog.  Because I know how easy it would be for me tonight to launch into a litany of the myriad, miniscule things that made today unimpressive.  And no one wants to hear that. 

But maybe, just maybe, you might want to hear that my life is not, in fact, all sunshine and roses.  Not all the time, anyways.

 On to the gratitude.  May it work its magic...

Tonight I am grateful for my boy who loves his ice skating lessons.  This afternoon he skated 3 full laps of the rink, on his own, after his lesson ended. And by skated of course I mean"shuffled and fell a lot".  But-- with a smile on his face!  Asking to go around again each time!  I am amazed and awed by this.  And so proud of the little guy.

I am also grateful for his patient little sister, who occupied herself that whole time by doing various gymnastic moves on one of the little pusher-walker thingies that little kids use on the ice.  She's a trouper.  She says she'll try skating, when she's three.

I'm grateful for easy dinners in front of the TV, for quiet bedtimes and hot tea, for a good dog and good Breadsmith bread (toasted with gobs of butter).

I am exceedingly, wonderfully grateful that this is only a two-day week.

November 18

Tonight I am grateful for brilliant sun and cirrus clouds in the shape of boats.  I am grateful for dry leaves and playgrounds, for elephants and spider monkeys and the surrealism of jellyfish.  I am grateful for friends and for their children, for company to share this gift of a day.   I picnicked on sun-warmed stones and rode a tram with delighted children, raked leaves and cleaned the house and played mommy-monster with 5 year olds, and drove around and around town to get an Ivy-girl to sleep.  Macaroni and cheese and toddler dance parties to cap off the evening:  it was a grand day, wasn't it?  And now, Nat is home and the dog is snoring and we are watching Sherlock and I am grateful indeed.

November 17

Today I am grateful for November sunshine, for playgrounds and lunch out; for time with my mom and keeping traditions.   I am grateful for connections with people: friendly banter with sellers at resale tables, catch-up conversations with the parents of high school friends, all the smiles and cordiality that abound in our world.  It's easier to smile on a sunny day, after all.

November 16

Tonight I am grateful for my husband, in that absence-makes-the-heart-grow-more-grateful sort of way.  He's off in Chicago this weekend, attending the AAR conference. And I am here, missing him.  I mean, I can handle this.  I can be the single mom for the weekend.  The kids were pretty good tonight, actually. A lovely evening at the mall.  No different than a routine Monday or Wednesday, really, except that I don't get to have the lovely prospect of Nat coming home to look forward to, for two more days.  Our days promise to be full and fun but I will miss having someone to share the nights with.  Very much.

And so, in the missing, I am grateful.  Grateful for this person, the one who, out of all the world, found me.  The one who I choose to spend my life with.  The one who shares the joys and the burdens and who knows me completely and loves me regardless. I am grateful for all the time he is here, al the time he gives and spends and sacrifices and the ways he makes life better.

I am also grateful for sunny days, mall carousels, and quiet bedtimes.

But mostly I am grateful for him. 

November 15

I am grateful tonight to have been home from work before 8pm.  I am grateful that the children are in bed before 9.  I am grateful to have a few hours with my husband before he takes off for Chicago.  I am exceedingly grateful for his amazing backrubs.

I'm also really tired.

And I know this is a gratitude journal but sometimes I am less grateful, and more... just tired.

My daughter has not been a fan of sleep recently, and gym days sure start early, and conference days sure are long.  And it would be easy, oh so easy, to slip into a litany of complaints, a rhapsody on the busyness of life these days..

Its nights like this when I need gratitude the most.

I am grateful for the sunshine today, for the chance to walk outside a bit in that sunshine, even if it was just to run a  book across the street to Orchard.

I am grateful for my friends at Orchard, for warm greetings and quick, easy conversations born of familiarity and shared suffering history.

I am grateful for the hugs from my children this afternoon, for the way their little voices ring out their greetings when I get home.

I am grateful that my son is popular with the kids in kindergarten-- so reports Nat, telling the tale of tablefuls of children calling out to him as they passed the after-care room on their way to the book fair this afternoon.  In spite of his sweetly oblivious nature, the other children like him.  May it always be this way for him.

I am grateful that he is learning-- more every day-- sponging up the instruction from those 6 hours a day at school.  Telling time, reading some sight words, adding plus-ones and plus-twos in his head, writing his own words... amazing and exciting and sometimes I just have to kiss the top of his head.  A lot.

I am grateful for the sunshine of my daughter during the day.  Difficult as bedtimes can be, interrupted as the nights continually are- she is unfailingly adorable, affectionate, hilarious.  I am grateful for the presence of this unique and joyful little soul in my life.

I am grateful that my dog has a clean bill of health from the vet today.  Well, except for the fleas.  And I am grateful that there is frontline to deal with those.

I am grateful that tomorrow is Friday.

November 13

Today I am grateful for Tuesdays.

I really think Tuesdays are one of my favorite days of the week.

For one, they are not Monday.

Also, I have double planning at school, which means I can eat lunch at something approaching a normal lunchtime.

On Tuesdays I am thankful for my mother who takes the kids while Nat and I meet for coffee.  I am very, very thankful for  cup of Starbucks coffee AND my wonderful husband, waiting for me at a cozy table at the end of the day.

I am grateful for family dinners, for enforcing a habit that would be all too easy to let go in favor of absent minded meals in front of the television.  I am grateful for my exuberant and intelligent children, even when that exuberance and intelligence means they wheedle their way out of things and into trouble and STILL get oreos for dessert.

I am grateful for the way Ivy says "eerios" instead of oreos.

And, I am so grateful that Tuesdays bring choir.  I love choir.    I love making music.  I love singing in mixed position, hearing the unique blend of voices, the rumble of the basses, the float of the chords.  I love, simply love, the Faure Requiem.  I am grateful for the kind and generous and music-loving people from all these different backgrounds, who all come together because they love the Faure Requiem too. I am grateful for our tireless director, for his passion and dedication and the way he gently leads us towards excellence.  I am grateful for the soaring, glorious, resounding finish at the end of Let All Mortal Flesh Keep Silence.

I am grateful for rides home with Fiona, for our wide ranging conversation, for her stories and color and inspiration.  It is good to know what one wants to be when one grows up, after all..

I am grateful for quiet companionship and good TV, for the way my dog looks up from the couch as soon as my front tires hit the driveway, for the warmth of my home and cool clarity of a November night.

I am grateful for the first flakes of snow and for my red wool coat.

November 12

Tonight I am grateful for the freedom and safety we take for granted in America, and for the men and women who have fought and sacrificed to let the rest of us rest easily here at home.

I am grateful for a warm house on a cold grey day.

I am grateful for the reminder that sometimes, what you really need to do is stay home and hold your little girl.

November 10 and 11

It is a pity to have missed last night, because there was much to be grateful for yesterday.  But there was also a movie to be watched via Amazon Prime, and that meant my laptop being hooked up to the TV and not on my lap.  It also meant a backrub and a snuggle from my wonderful husband, and I am grateful for that!

What else?

I am grateful for the heavenly sun this weekend, two days of warmth and the rustle of dry leaves raising their scent into the sunlit air. 

I am grateful for a lovely morning with my mom, for picnic lunches at Rocky River Park, for exploring the driftwood-strewn beach with my son, building boats and searching for treasure.

I am grateful that my children stayed in childcare at the church, so my mom and I could discuss and share and philosophize about the meaning of a secular Christmas and what one can do to fight rampant consumerism and teach our children compassion...

I am grateful to meet these like-minded people who share in this struggle to find a way to live our values.

I am grateful for birthday parties, for gatherings of friends and families and children with balloons and streamers and alphabet cards.  I am grateful for Naomi and Lillian, who are, impossibly, three years old.  I am grateful for the new dimension and joy they have brought to our family of friends, and for the real little people they are becoming.

I am grateful for morning walks at Forest Hills Park.  A park that is going to seed-- it is a wonderful thing, really.  Forgotten paths and fields and playgrounds, all to ourselves. I  am grateful for a joyful spaniel, leaping and chasing.  I am grateful for children heading bravely to explore, clambering over fallen trees.  I am grateful for the contagious joy of drums and chimes and xylophones, an unexpected treasure discovered on our way home.

I am grateful for soup, for friends trekking to our home, for the way the house smells all day, warm and sheltering and good.  I am grateful for my husband who cooks, and makes it all possible, really.

I am grateful for leaf piles and sunstreaked windows and a clean playroom.

I am grateful for the company of good friends, for companionable silences and tea. 

It has been a wonderful weekend.  I am grateful for each moment of it.

November 9

Tonight I am grateful for a half day off work, the gift of unencumbered time.  A morning of productive organization and parent conferences, then off at noon for a resale event,  time to clean the house, playing with my littles in the fall sunshine, going to Ivy's 32-month appointment and out for donuts, and back home all before 5. 

I could get used to living like this. 

I am grateful for Downton Abbey and for having two people to team up on the laundry.

November 8

Tonight I am grateful that I don't spend 14 hours at work every day.

I am grateful that the sun has shown its face often enough for me to begin to take it for granted again.

I am grateful for my husband, who shepherds our little troupe through long days with panache, who provides the littles with endless crafts and activities and joy.

I am grateful for warm blankets and hot tea and snuggling in against the frosty winter-night air.

I am grateful for PBS.  For Antiques Roadshow in particular.  I love Antiques Roadshow.

I am grateful for computers and email and online shopping and all the unfathomable miracles of technology that make my life so very easy, in the grand scheme of things.

I am grateful for the chance to touch the lives of my students and their families, for the opportunity to problem-solve, brainstorm, build on strengths and help them grow.  In the midst of endless paperwork and standards and tests and deadlines, it is important to remember just how vital this work really is.

November 7

Tonight I am grateful that the Presidential campaign is over, and with the outcome I had hoped for.  I am grateful for our President, for this kind, decent, brilliant man willing to sacrifice himself and lead our broken and divided nation into the future.  I am so grateful to see my fellow Americans turn their backs on politicians who have spent the past 6 months inundating us with their small-minded bigotry. I am grateful for all the votes for equality-- Maine, Maryland, Washington.  I am grateful for this moment of hopefulness about the future, even as it is tempered with fear that nothing can possibly can possibly change in such a polarized society.  But for tonight-- gratitude, pure and simple.

Also, I am grateful that  tomorrow is like a Friday, and that Friday is a half day.  I am tired today. This may be due to the overflowing gratitude happening last night around midnight, the celebratory beer and dancing around the living room with my dog that kept me up well past my bedtime.  I am grateful that elections like this one only come every four years.

November 5 and 6

Sorry to miss last night.  Stupid time change, had me falling asleep on the couch at 9:45..

Retrospectively:

I am grateful for my boy, for his light-the-world smile of victory as he faced his own demons and tried something new.  I am grateful for a half hour of chilly sitting at an ice rink, watching him fall-- and more importantly, get back up again.  Smiling.  Miracle of miracles.
I am grateful that my children love a nice hot bubble bath-- and that it can entertain them for a good long time.  I am grateful for tortillas and quick dinners and Little Bear and Max&Ruby on DVD.  I am grateful for snuggly-under-a-blanket warmth old a cold night.


Today:

I am grateful for the sun, every retina-burning moment of it on my drive to work today.  I am grateful for the good-tired feeling of starting the day with a workout, and grateful for the lovely showers at the JCC.
I am grateful for friends and pizza and the joy of 9 little ones racing loops around a house.  I love the beauty of these growing families, the children of these people I love. I am grateful for the way they are growing up together, their ease together, their laughter and their smooth, bright faces.
I am grateful for the crisp wintry air and for the holiday feel that comes into my heart on these dark evenings.
I am grateful for the sublime, singable beauty of the Faure Requiem, for the chance to pour my  heart into the Pie Jesu, for the dancing joy of Uni Genite, for singing in mixed position.
I am grateful to live in a country where people have a choice in their government and their future.  Even if the choice of half of our country is not the one I would make. In the face of the unknown and the trepidation tonight, I am holding tight to my gratitude for the people who work for change in our nation, for the people who care about the welfare of others and strength of our future, for the people who use their minds and hearts to make the world better.  I am grateful that a few of these people have already, solidly, been elected.
I am grateful for like-minded friends and loved ones with whom I can sit, on the edge of our virtual seats, through this long night (days? weeks?) of waiting for the choice to be made. 

November 4

A crisp, cold, dark evening wandering among leaves and glowing pumpkins... I am grateful for my neighbors again tonight.  Grateful for their welcoming smiles and for the way they know my children's names, for their well kept cozy houses and the care they put into making this night magical.

I am grateful  for playdates with friends and quiet moments at a coffee shop, for great big cardboard blocks and the imagination that comes with them.

I am grateful for dinner swap and the routines we depend on. I am grateful for the way these short days help to draw life into sharp perspective, and for the warmth and light we create in our homes to combat these long nights.

I am also grateful that my children aren't sick all that often, really.

November 3

Tonight I am grateful for our neighbors, for the diverse and friendly group of people who make up this community.  I am grateful for chili and chips and chatting with friends.
I am grateful for a gym full of children and basketballs and the chance to run and play and laugh and focus on my boy.  I am grateful for the flush of his cheeks and the exhilaration in his smile.  I am grateful for the way he is growing, so tall, so full of enthusiasm for the world.

I am grateful for technology, for the wonders of this modern world, which we so often take for granted, that let us erase miles and bring a Grandfather and grand-daughter together in the same room for a few minutes.

I am grateful for the theaters at Playhouse square, for the murals and mosaics, the gilded plaster, for the forethought of the people who saved these spaces so my children could walk in and gape in wonder.  I am grateful for the light in their eyes as they waited for the show to start.  

I am grateful for this lovely Saturday with my family.

November 2

Today I am grateful for the company of friends.  I am grateful for fuzzy blankets and fuzzy yarn and pajama pants, for wine and crackers and good movies and talking into the night.  I am grateful for electric lights glowing cozy in house windows.  I am grateful for the work that has gone into cleaning up our community; signs of the storm are abating.

I am grateful for the clearing skies, for layers of clouds in variegated greys instead of one thick, dismal blanket.  I am grateful for the smell of leaves emerging into crispy air as the world begins to dry. 

I am grateful for a morning run and a cup of Starbucks and the chance to network and sip coffee and do lunch with a co-worker-- professional development days are a wonderful reprieve!  Today was nice, paced right.  Home early enough to play with children and clean a little and have friends and pizza too.  I am grateful for days that work out this way, that leave me content.  That give me something to aspire to, in the midst of other craziness.  Today, I had time to really look at people, to notice life and appreciate it, as it happened.  I could get used to that.

November 1

A bit absent as of late, but you'll forgive me.  I have a hurricane to blame it on...

October was a blur of travel and rain and I can blame all of that for the fact that daily push-ups... weren't exactly daily.  I did, to my credit, make it a good 17 days into the trial, and I did, to my credit, get up to being able to do 18 push-ups in a row.  I did not, however, form a new lifetime habit.

Maybe some other time.

In the meantime, it is November.

November,  month of grey skies and grey trees and damp chill and my birthday.  The month of burrowing in and cozying up and preparations.  The month of enforced, cultural gratitude as we head into the holiday season.

Why yes, I think I'll get right on that bandwagon.

There is something about this time of year that yearns for self-reflection, for appreciation of the minute and meaningful.  We need something to combat the grey, I think.

This year November made her entrance even more profound, with our Ohio hurricane.  A week of solid rain; a "super-storm" that wiped out the Jersey Shore, swamped Lower Manhattan, and left us without power for three days; two sick kids in succession.

If there has ever been a time when I need gratitude, it is now.

With no further ado, five minutes on the timer and a bit of thanks.

Tonight, I am grateful.  Deeply grateful.

For the return of our modern conveniences, for heat and light and our little electric fireplace.  For my family snug in their own beds and for the return of routine in our lives.  I am grateful for our cluttered, messy little nest where every surface is littered with candles and children's craft supplies, and where I know just how to find what I need.

And, I am grateful for the gift of family nearby, for the fact that we had somewhere to go when our house temperature hit 50.  Grateful for the comfort and love and safety that we can depend on, just across town.

I am grateful that in the face of this wild weather, we faced nothing more than inconvenience.  A few trees down, a few days of darkness in our neighborhood-- but we are safe.  Our house is here, solid and strong.  Our clean-up will consist of raking a lot of leaves and cleaning up the pile of tempered glass that was once the top for our patio table.  We are very lucky indeed.

Today, I am grateful to have a job that allows me to spend the day sharing theater and lunch and laughter with my little group of students.  I am grateful for the sublime gift that is a well written play, for the moments of clarity that come as you sink into the lives of characters on a sparsely-set stage, when the words and emotions are the main event. "It all goes so fast.... we never really look at one another..."  Emily says in Act III of Our Town.  I am grateful for words that make me reflect and slow down and look into more people's eyes because they are all so beautiful, all those eyes.  I am grateful for youth and beauty and talent and for the young people who shared theirs today at the Beck Center.

I am grateful that the rain seems to have stopped for a moment.  I am grateful for light shining out through the layers of clouds, for my dog softly snoring beside me, for my husband combing wool across the room.  I am grateful for the storm and the clouds, for that stark contrast they give to the brilliance in fall leaves, and in life.