Sorry for my conspicuous absence yesterday. Tuesdays are busy. I have no excuses, really.
I was very grateful yesterday evening, though. Grateful for the glory of Bach -- magnificent, it really, really is. Impossible not to sing, even with a sore throat. Grateful for an exhausting, all out 2 hours of music and the endorphins that linger for hours afterwords. Grateful for my rides home with the wonderful Fiona, for her stories and magic and for the way she helps me put my life in perspective and my relationships in perspective and laugh at all of it. Grateful for quiet Tuesday night TV with my husband and the cozy comfort of our lives together.... Tuesdays are good days, yes they are.
Not much on the savings front yesterday. A bit of a failure, actually. Made myself a nice iced coffee, all set to report that $1.95 in the bank.... left it on the porch as I took out our donations for the Veterans (hmmmm, do I get to count the donation we'll deduct from our taxes?) Had to stop and buy coffee because one thing I am NOT grateful for? My continuing lack of anything approaching a good night's sleep.
The coffee savings karma came back to me today. Story to follow....
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You almost didn't get a blog entry tonight either, folks. About 2 hours ago there was not a mote of gratitude within a 3 mile radius of me.
It is hard, very very hard, to be grateful when there is a screaming banshee of a 20 month old in the house, refusing to sleep and sharing her misery with the world. For reasons as yet unknown, my mild-mannered sweetheart morphed at bedtime into a caterwauling creature with attitude all over the place.
Mother: "Time for sleep, Ivy."
Toddler: Pout.
Toddler: "Nope." (cue baleful gaze)
Mother places toddler in crib with a kiss.
Cue wailing, screaming toddler standing at rail of crib in full tantrum.
Exeunt Mother.
The girl carried on with great drama for the 20 minutes it took to tuck Jack in, then sank into contented silence the moment I picked her up, then resumed her act for another 25 minutes as I did the dishes with great vigor, assuring myself that there was not a thing wrong with her.
Except, apparently, for the fact that she did NOT want to be in her crib.
9:30 found us in the rocking chair, making up after a situation wherein we made horrid screaming noises at each other for a few rounds. Yeah, because I'm that sort of mature, really great mom, who does the You think YOU can scream loudly??? thing. To her toddler.
Yep. Mom of the Year.
My hope here is that my confessions of bad parenting moments can help you to feel better about yourself. See, it's working, isn't it?
Girlie fell asleep in my arms as I whispered apologies into her hair and since then I've tried to make it up to her by putting together her new kitchen (received with gratitude from her wonderful Grandpa and Vovo...) While I am sure she won't recognize the gesture, it's seemed to help me....
At any rate. This is not meant to be a parenting blog, and certainly not meant to be a confessions-of-bad-parenting blog. Sorry.
Rather, it is my intention to remind myself that it is times like this when I need gratitude the most.
Because despite being tired tired tired, and guilt-ridden for yelling at my baby, and stuffy and hoarse, and more than a little grumpy... Life is so good. There is so much to be grateful for.
Like power screwdrivers, for instance. And dishwashers, for that matter.
Crazy-wonderful technology with all it's apps and distraction and handiness.
The fact that I am NOT stranded on an ice-floe in the Arctic Ocean (current book on tape... Shipwreck at the Bottom of the World... utterly fascinating and oh will it make you appreciate your life. And your dry clothing...)
My healthy lovely children. The fact that they are here, in my life, progressing through their lives in such a way that they can push me and challenge me and frustrate me and stress me out. Because that means they are doing all right. I am so grateful for their spot-on development, for the age-appropriate insanity they bring to my day. It is so hard to remember that gratitude when I am caught in the midst of their four-ness, their almost-two-ness...but I will keep it in my heart....
The life I am blessed to live, where the struggle of my evening involved decoding assembly instructions and cursing quietly at some difficult-to-turn screws. I can't begin to elaborate on all the ways this makes me lucky, that THIS was the hard part of my day. So many struggle with so much. From poverty to disease to disabilities to injustice, war or natural disasters or true brutal tragedies in their lives.
I can handle a little girl and her strong spirit. I can handle a messy house and a long workday. I can even handle mommy-guilt and 18 steps of toy assembly. Because I am blessed to have these things and I am grateful for them.
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Quick savings report and that story on coffee karma. Today, a co-worker brought me Starbucks to thank me for giving her a Starbucks gift card for Christmas. AND another co-worker gave me two Starbucks cards she found in her purse and wasn't using.
Cultivating relationships at work? Pays off. :) I am grateful for the coffee and the kindness that have flowed my way today.
I am also counting a total of $11 of savings. Thanks, ladies!
Goodnight all. Thanks for listening. Let us all be gentle to ourselves, and seek the blessings in our lives.
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