December 31, 2012

One hour and counting til a New Year begins.

It's both appropriate and a little daunting to talk about resolutions on here.  A space devoted to resolutions all year long, to reflection, to change.

On this last night of the year I wonder as I write-- have I done it justice?  Have I reflected, changed?

It feels like 2012 was gone in a flash, as if very little has changed even amidst the changes that have come (new job, new PhD in the house, ever-growing little ones).

It was a good year, don't get me wrong.  Delightful in its smoothness.  Full of pleasant moments, sunshine, laughter.  Many beautiful photographs were taken and memories stored up in them.  Travel, festivals, museums, school, lakes, children, friends.  If I reflect on it for a moment, there was almost a surfeit of happiness and happening wrapped up in this years.  A bit of a blur at times...

Part of my goal in this Thirty Days project was to make life memorable, to have goals and projects and alterations to the fabric of my life that would stand out in memory, freeze in time, last in that way that great life changes can last.  I am not sure  if I accomplished that goal in 2012.

And so, as I look ahead to 2013, I am seeking to answer the question:  How can I make change in my life, and the lives of others, that will leave a mark?  A mark in memory, on the world.   How can I live this year with intention, enjoying the ride, the sunshine, the little moments-- and reaching for something a little larger, too?

I've been thinking a lot about the idea of dreams, these aspirations I've got for the way I want my world to be.  I can spend hours (days, weeks) visualizing the house on the lake, the dream kitchen...  but as I sit here, 36 years old, there are still some gaps in the dream-future.  Still, somehow, I am not sure what I want to be when I grow up.  I can see the shape of who I wish to be but the details are fuzzy.

In 2013 I'd like to solidify my dreams, and then orient my life so that each thing I do is moving me closer to their reality. 

There's a resolution for ya.

In the meantime, there are some steps I CAN take, towards the dreams I know already:

1.  I'd like to be in fit and fabulous shape before I turn 40.  Ten, maybe fifteen pounds lighter, leaner, in shape, my body working as a healthy and smooth machine ready to tackle whatever age may bring.  To that end, in 2013 I will be intentional in my eating.  I will eat food that helps my body achieve health.  I will find ways to be active, to challenge my fitness and grow my strength.

2.  I want to have a beautiful, open kitchen with a view of a lake out the window.  I want to be able to furnish this house with rich and lovely fabrics and furniture.  I want to live each day in this comfortable, lovely space. To that end, in 2013 I will be intentional with my money.  I will not spend it on fruitless items.  I will save money towards bringing my dream house into reality.

3.  I visualize myself as a person who creates beauty and good in the world.  I want to be the person who goes out of their way for others, who creates spaces and details and moments and encounters that bring joy and peace to others.  To that end, in 2013 I will practice small ways of being kind, other-centric, detail oriented and considerate.

4.  I see my family in 5 years, my children growing tall, myself mothering them with patience, creativity, and joy.  I see my family in  20 years, gathered together, my children happy to be back at home.  To that end, in 2013 I will work at being the best mother and wife I can be, patient and gentle and intentional in my parenting choices. I will work to create a structure for my family, a safe space for us to love and grow.  I will not take a moment of our lives together for granted.