The final hour of 2016 approaches and finds me at my computer, ready to sort through this past year and think ahead to the next, all in 80 minutes...
New Years' Eve seems to have arrived on silent cat feet this year. No warning, and so fast! I don't really feel ready for the change. Or maybe its that I don't WANT the year to change. For so many, 2016 was a sad, difficult year. For our family (notable exception of the 2016 election results aside), 2016 was easy and comfortable. We were blessed with health and constancy, and our cups overflowed with vacations and travel and time with friends. Making our photo book this year was an acute reminder of just how good we've had it.
I'd rather not see any of that change, thankyouverymuch.
As I look ahead to the transition in our government in 20 short days, and all of the possible disasters that may unfold thereafter, I can't help but feel that 2017 is not going to be an improvement. And so it is hard to muster any jubilation tonight. We did attend a cozy little party with our friends, Melinda's traditional "New Toddler's Eve" celebration, but absent a few of our regular guests it was a low key affair, with all of the guests over the age of 10 sharing the same apprehension for the year to come. We didn't talk much about it, just drank cherry cosmos and danced in the disco lights with our children and watched the OSU game, soaking up the normalcy of these last hours of the last year in which we are able to rest easy as a nation under strong and competent leadership.
Yet, try as I might, I cannot stop the world from turning these last 70 minutes towards a new year.
And so I look forward. Resolutions right now seem so very vital- and so hard to determine. Reading over posts from past years-- I am working on so many of the same goals, still (aren't we all?) and it is tempting to simply copy-paste and try again.. But this year, in the new world yet to unfold, there is new work to do. I always struggle to find balance and fit in all the living and working and growing I want to do. I am daunted by the prospect of adding political resistance and activism to the mix. I am hoping I can use my resolutions to help me find the right path forward.
1. Pare down. I want to add more to my life so I will need to remove what I can. I will work to pare my spending down to what is essential, pare my possessions down to what is useful or beautiful, pare my eating down to foods that feed my body well. Most challenging, I will need to pare my commitments and activities down to those that are necessary for life or good for my soul. I know I will not achieve this resolution this year. Or perhaps, ever. But I want to get closer. And I feel like this is really important right now, so that I can focus on the work ahead...
2. Choose love. In a world where fear is rampant, I will seek ways to combat it with love and kindness. I will find ways to be kind to others and develop connections, particularly within my own community. I will work towards being an ally for friends and neighbors in marginalized groups. I will face my own white privilege so that I can move beyond it.
3. Seek hope. I will practice gratitude and notice joy, and use joy and hope to guide me towards the best ways to use my time. I will not be paralyzed by fear or pessimism. I will create an atmosphere of hope and and optimism for my children. I will look to them for inspiration. I will seek the company of others who are hopeful too. I will need to be more aware than ever of politics and news, and I will need hope to help balance my heart.
4. Use intention. I want to create memorable days and so I will need to intentionally seek out new experiences for my family. I want to be more in control of my finances and so I will need to spend money intentionally and thoughtfully and only in ways that will enrich my life or the lives of those I love. I want to use my time to help the world and so I will choose groups and causes with intention, where I can use my skills and surround myself with people who inspire me to create change. I want to perpetuate kindness and so I will choose my words with intention.
Because I am a special education teacher, I need some measureable goals to go with all these broad dreams. Some concrete goals for 2017:
*Get passports for the kids. So we can go to Niagara falls, or emigrate if needed. I will not be paralyzed by fear but neither will I be complacent! Seek hope, use intention.
*Continue getting in shape so that I can be strong and ready for the future, as measured by losing 5-10 more pounds. Pare down, use intention.
*Visit at least 5 friends/family within driving distance--"oh, we should really go see..." I want to just go SEE them this year. Choose love, and create memorable days.
*Find ONE new political/activism group or project I can engage with meaningfully. Seek hope, use intention.
*Read a book instead of going on Facebook, at least one time per day. I think this will help with my intentionality. And really, larger world aside, I am tired of being that person who is always on her phone. So, baby steps.
Wish me luck. Wish us all luck. Here we go.
Saturday, December 31, 2016
Saturday, November 12, 2016
Day 3 and 4
Much like new parents in the aftermath of the birth of their first child, we election survivors have been measuring our lives in hours, then days. The intensity of feeling in each moment, the bone-tired, the complete loss of normalcy-- its is striking how much this period of my life is parallel to the shock of parenting. Terrifying, and daunting, and unknown. So much to learn and a wealth of contrary advice with no real guidebook in sight. Exhausting effort alternating with periods of quiet waiting. Feeling drained and like you've lost yourself completely, and, in the dark small hours of the night, inconsolable baby in arms, like maybe your life will never be better again.
And then the days go by and you figure out how to do the work you need to do, And you put one foot in front of the other and hold on to the smiles and start to measure time in weeks, months. Years. You mark milestones, accomplish goals, settle into a routine, reach for goals. A some point you realize, you feel like yourself again. Only, yourself transformed. Through the fire and out the other side. And even though life is kind of normal again it will never be way it was before. And you look back at who you used to be and wonder what you were *doing* with all that spare time, shocked at how you squandered it.
I'm kind of in that place right now, except for the fact that this is completely different. When I became a parent, I was granted an incredible gift, and had the consolation of a snuggly bundle of potential and hope for the future, to get me through those long nights. This week, we are facing the prospect of having our democracy systematically dismantled, our sense of security and equity and social progress taken away. Yeah. Not so cute and snuggly. Not so full of hope.
I am not trying to downplay our nation's current situation with my analogy. There is scary, real shit going on in our country. People of color and immigrants and Muslims are being directly threatened and harassed. I have Jewish friends who are paralyzed by the echoes of the Holocaust that are everywhere in our new leader's rhetoric. We are looking at some very real consequences for our environment and our freedoms with this change in administration.
Its not really the same thing at all.
But the sleepless small hours feel almost the same. When I was a new mother I felt utterly trapped at times, powerless. There was no going back and no control over how things might move forward.
I am feeling that way now.
Everyone I knew was telling me the right way to do things, how I should feel, what might work. Implicit in their advice was the fact that I didn't know what I was doing, that their way was the right way. Even if I'd heard the exact opposite from someone else.
I am feeling that way now.
If you had talked to me when my first baby was 3 weeks old, and you'd assured me that soon I'd be parenting a child who could brush his own teeth, read and discuss a novel, and sleep through the night consistently, I would have laughed caustically and handed you my colicky son so YOU could take a turn walking him, because it was NEVER going to be different than this.
I think I am feeling that way now.
But I also think I'm getting ready to start measuring time in weeks, not days. Feeling a little bit less lost, a little tiny bit more capable of dealing with this strange new world.
I am looking at my children across the room from me right now, tall and healthy and the most beautiful, joyful accomplishments of my life, and those dark small hours, the fear and the lost-ness and the utter exhaustion seem both a long way away and a very small price to pay for this payoff.
Sadly, I have a very hard time envisioning any positive payoff from this election, for our nation. I think, best-case scenario, we will backslide in every possible arena, losing any gains in our social progress, liberties, and economic growth that were made in the last 8 years. While I am prepared to write letters, attend meetings, and march in protests along the way, I am aware there is little if anything I can do to change the outcome of this political disaster.
But I can change myself. And maybe we (and by we I mean myself and my white, liberal, privileged friends) can change ourselves as a group. Through the fire and out the other side.
And so I am hoping that in the future, when we survive this, we will have something to show. We will be better. We will be stronger. We will be more capable of the real work it takes to build equity. We will take action instead of just talking. We will no longer sit idle and squander our time. We will have something to show for it.
I know. That's pretty hokey and a silly thing to think about right now. But its on my mind and so I am putting it out there because maybe its on your mind too.
----------------------------------
Day 3 and 4 Accomplishments:
Spent time with my friends. In person, real ones. WIth hugs and everything. And tears and drinking and laughter, real laughter. That was nice.
Started to set up a blanket drive, in partnership with Carry the Future, for Syrian refugees trapped at a camp on the border with Jordan, brutal winter coming. Because talk about some real shit going on. Syria- wow. I am worried for my country. I am heartbroken for theirs. Collecting baby blankets and sending them to the collection point in Virginia-- that is something I can DO. And taking action is awesome.
Was thoroughly overwhelmed by the wealth of opportunities for political giving and action tthat are being presented by my online communities. Have not made any decisions about the giving, but will be attending a meeting with SURJ (Standing up for racial justice) next week.
Started drafting a letter to Senators who are against Trump. Did not finish that draft. Now thinking of writing other letters, too. A wealth of opportunities for letter writing. Still seeking my focus there.
Went to the gym on Friday despite every fiber of my being telling me to stay in bed. I get to feel hard core for doing that.
Went to see some theater with my mom, and hashed out some of our feelings about this week. Saw "Finding Neverland" which was just the perfect thing to see. Envisioning our future, believing, honoring childhood. Catchy music, terrific set design, funny and sappy all at once-- I recommend.
Almost caught up on the laundry.
Started to feel pretty normal from time to time, if exhausted. Caught myself feeling normal and reminded myself that maybe I shouldn't feel normal. Its a surprise every time to see the world continuing on as though nothing has changed. I want to feel better but I don't want to feel better, you know? I don't want to get over it because there is work to do.
Thursday, November 10, 2016
Day 2
Because this week has to have all the things... we had parent teacher conferences tonight. And schedule changes at work leading to a hectic, nonstop workday that was, incidentally, 13.5 hours long. I am almost too tired to move my fingers. My nonstop day was great for covering my sorrows with a veneer of busy normalcy... not so good for keeping up with expanding circle of facebook groups and online petitions. Activism in the digital age....
Day 2 Accomplishments:
Got up. Made it to the gym. Totally killed it in my Bosu class. If I am going to fight for social justice, I better damn well be able to make it through 4 minutes of jump-squats.
Taught my students with enthusiasm and love. Focused on being conscious of my time with these kids, and choosing gentleness in my interactions with them. As much as is possible with middle schoolers, anyway.
Worked out the details of my Holiday Hands giving project. All set but for the shopping and sending. Had a nice back and forth email exchange with one of the families. Lots of blessing going on.
Did NOT keep up with my facebook notifications. Decided that was ok.
Thought up a great plan for writing letters to Senators and Representatives who do NOT support Trump (democrat and republican alike), imploring them to consider a wide variety of important issues related to equity as they vote on legislation. Drafted quite the amazing, eloquent missive in my head while driving. Did NOT manage to write any of it down. (see: nonstop day, above). But I think I *will*. I think I will type my drafts here but then handwrite the letters. On that nice stationary where you have the cardstock with dark lines that you place underneath, so your writing is all neat and not sloping downwards on the page. Adds more meaning, that work of writing by hand. Not that my little letters will do too much. But it is an ACTION, you know? More so than clicking "like" or adding my name to a list of electronic "signatures" (which I did 3 times today because who knows? It might work.) And I am eager for all of these feelings to transfer into action, keep the momentum going, right now before we acclimate to the "new normal" of our country.
Read books with my kids. Snuggled my bunny.
Introduced myself to my latest online feminist group. Noted that all of us on said group are pretty much the same. Lots of white, 30-something inner ring mamas. Made plans to get together with my own group of white, 30 something inner ring mamas tomorrow night. Indulged in a brief moment of superiority in which I became convinced that people JUST LIKE ME are obviously the nicest. Realized that line of thinking is pretty much the opposite of my process here. Decided to cut that shit out.
Mantra, on repeat: It's a process, its a process. Patience.
Read posts about violence towards women and minorities. Decided there is no time for patience.
Off to ask my groups if anyone has already compiled that list of Senators. I'm going to have some downtime at conferences tomorrow. I plan to use it.
Day 2 Accomplishments:
Got up. Made it to the gym. Totally killed it in my Bosu class. If I am going to fight for social justice, I better damn well be able to make it through 4 minutes of jump-squats.
Taught my students with enthusiasm and love. Focused on being conscious of my time with these kids, and choosing gentleness in my interactions with them. As much as is possible with middle schoolers, anyway.
Worked out the details of my Holiday Hands giving project. All set but for the shopping and sending. Had a nice back and forth email exchange with one of the families. Lots of blessing going on.
Did NOT keep up with my facebook notifications. Decided that was ok.
Thought up a great plan for writing letters to Senators and Representatives who do NOT support Trump (democrat and republican alike), imploring them to consider a wide variety of important issues related to equity as they vote on legislation. Drafted quite the amazing, eloquent missive in my head while driving. Did NOT manage to write any of it down. (see: nonstop day, above). But I think I *will*. I think I will type my drafts here but then handwrite the letters. On that nice stationary where you have the cardstock with dark lines that you place underneath, so your writing is all neat and not sloping downwards on the page. Adds more meaning, that work of writing by hand. Not that my little letters will do too much. But it is an ACTION, you know? More so than clicking "like" or adding my name to a list of electronic "signatures" (which I did 3 times today because who knows? It might work.) And I am eager for all of these feelings to transfer into action, keep the momentum going, right now before we acclimate to the "new normal" of our country.
Read books with my kids. Snuggled my bunny.
Introduced myself to my latest online feminist group. Noted that all of us on said group are pretty much the same. Lots of white, 30-something inner ring mamas. Made plans to get together with my own group of white, 30 something inner ring mamas tomorrow night. Indulged in a brief moment of superiority in which I became convinced that people JUST LIKE ME are obviously the nicest. Realized that line of thinking is pretty much the opposite of my process here. Decided to cut that shit out.
Mantra, on repeat: It's a process, its a process. Patience.
Read posts about violence towards women and minorities. Decided there is no time for patience.
Off to ask my groups if anyone has already compiled that list of Senators. I'm going to have some downtime at conferences tomorrow. I plan to use it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
Rise Up
It has been a hard 24 hours, to say the least. Last night our world was rocked by a shocking and appalling election result and my friends and I -- along with all people who belong to any possible minority group in the US-- are nearly-paralyzed with fear for the future of our country and those we care about. We have elected to the highest office in the land a man whose top 5 priorities include repealing the Affordable Care Act, building a wall on the Mexican border and waterboarding terrorists. A man who will shape our Supreme Court to allow him to turn back the clock on social progress a good 70 years. I am heartsick and ashamed to be an American. For 24 hours I have been grappling with my feelings of despair and anger and hopelessness. I have been struggling to reconcile my values (kindness) with my gut reaction to the supporters who voted for him (hate and anger and a desire to expel them from the United States). I have been reconfiguring my world view, adjusting paradigms, weighing the desire to flee against the need to protect and preserve. I could not sleep last night, waiting for the final verdict. Every time I closed my eyes, my mind began racing and my body began shaking and instead I just got up and turned to the online community of "Pantsuit Nation," 3 million strong, a safe haven of like-minded voters and fearless feminists. We held one another's virtual hands til dawn.
Twenty-four hours later, I am feeling better. I am calm and able to breathe again. I am tired, but OK. I have noticed this before in other times of stress and fear-- it is hard to maintain such an extreme level of emotion for very long. We seek to regain equilibrium, find a new normal within the anxiety, look for footholds and actions that give us a semblance of control. The helplessness I felt last night-- I think that was the worst. Passively watching it happen. Powerless to do anything-- polls were closed, it was a done deal. No recourse for 4 long years, disaster possible at any point...
There is no way I could live with that feeling, long term..
With the help of my 3 million new online friends, I am climbing up out of the hopelessness. Reclaiming autonomy. Choosing to see opportunity. Instead of being handed victory, we are charged with resistance. We are morally obligated to take action, to speak up, to obstruct and challenge and canvass and sign and volunteer and advocate and protest. To rise up.
We are choosing to be powerFUL.
It's going to be a process. Along with so many of my (white, liberal elite) friends, I am taking a bit of time to wallow in the shock and dismay. I am letting myself read articles that scare the shit out me (though I WON'T listen to the news!) so that I can let the fear run its course. I am dropping to the level of the enemy by calling them the enemy and getting really really pissed off at them.
But I don't intend to stay here. Dismay, hate, mourning.... part of the process but not part of the solution.
What IS the solution?
I have no clue.
I don't know how to fix any of this!!!
But I know that I have to at least try. Put forth more effort! I know that haven't done enough. I've sat back in the luxury of all my white privilege, the comfort of my lucky life, and assumed it would all just work out in the end. Lots of other smart people were in charge. The future would unfold in a logical way. I would exercise my civic duty, vote on the side of history, and carry on.
We thought we'd elect Hillary to look out for us. She would smash the patriarchy for us! She would protect the vulnerable! She would promote equality and straighten out that dysfunctional federal government of ours, no problem. She's a rock star, after all. The best person for the job.
Well. It turns out, we're going to have to do all of that for ourselves.
So-- today is day 1. I am taking charge. I am making change. I am starting with myself. Them I am going to give to others. Then I am going to head out into my community and give some more. Then I am going to find a way to use my gifts and energies to advocate for those who do not have privilege to hide behind. And then I am going to change the world. I am going to have faith that I will find the way when I am ready for it.
I'm bringing this blog space back to life to chronicle my journey. I think it is going to take longer than 30 days. I don't think I will write daily-- at least not for long. But I think I will need some accountability here. Once the anxiety fades and I start to slip back into my comfort zone and the safety complacency, I will have a written record to spur me on.
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Day 1 accomplishments:
Connected and shared my evolving emotional state, in real time, with 3 million new friends on Pantsuit Nation. Blew up my Facebook feed with updates on threads and comments and shares. Joined 3 other feminist action groups with my new friends.
Wrote a large number of sappy posts to share my emotions and intentions with the world. (see captures below). Realized that my emotional state and intentions do not really line up. Realized I need to be patient with myself about that.
Woke up and showered. Put my contacts in.
Showed up for life (which somehow went right along) and taught a full day of school on 2 hours of sleep.
Signed up to help 3 families through Holiday Hands. Signed an online pledge to advocate for women of color. Searched out and saved a number of links for volunteer and service opportunities near Cleveland.
Hugged my kids and plastered them with kisses. Hugged my husband for a nice long time. Had an exceedingly normal family dinner. Made plans to write letters to Hillary with the kids tomorrow.
Ate a totally great, healthy diet all day except for when I totally ate almost all of the candy I had stashed in my classroom "store" for my students. oops.
Took Ivy to ballet. Smiled for real watching her dance with her friends-- of all colors, all religions and nationalities) in our community center, surrounded members of my (reliably blue, beautifully diverse) community. Walked a mile on the track.
Expressed my gratitude for my friends on Facebook. Expressed my continuing desire to maybe just move to a commune in a foreign country. Expressed my desire to be kind and do more.
Snuggled kids before bed.
Vacuumed.
Talked with my mom.
Snuggled my pets.
Wrote this post.
I think I have done enough for today. Off to bed. There is work to do tomorrow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Facebook posts written between 11pm on the 8th and 10 pm on the 9th. I did not copy here the insane number of comments I posted. Can I tell you how great it was to be able to give instant feedback and get instant feedback on that online forum in the middle of the night? SO many people, all in it together, all being so kind to one another, all speaking the same emotions. It was the only thing that kept me sane for a few hours...
(in time order. First posting was when it became apparent that the election polls had been WAY way off....)
Can't watch. Never did like horror movies. Going to go read a book and start planning my emigration. Or the revolution. Or... something. Ashamed of Ohio right now.
Still up at 3 am. final results nearly in..
Exhausted. Can't sleep. When I close my eyes my mind starts racing. Who's up with me? I need to be at work in 5 hours- tomorrow is not going to be fun. On any level.
5am. Done deal.
Ok. Feet on the floor. Head up. Eyes up. Time to get up. We have work to do.
Twenty-four hours later, I am feeling better. I am calm and able to breathe again. I am tired, but OK. I have noticed this before in other times of stress and fear-- it is hard to maintain such an extreme level of emotion for very long. We seek to regain equilibrium, find a new normal within the anxiety, look for footholds and actions that give us a semblance of control. The helplessness I felt last night-- I think that was the worst. Passively watching it happen. Powerless to do anything-- polls were closed, it was a done deal. No recourse for 4 long years, disaster possible at any point...
There is no way I could live with that feeling, long term..
With the help of my 3 million new online friends, I am climbing up out of the hopelessness. Reclaiming autonomy. Choosing to see opportunity. Instead of being handed victory, we are charged with resistance. We are morally obligated to take action, to speak up, to obstruct and challenge and canvass and sign and volunteer and advocate and protest. To rise up.
We are choosing to be powerFUL.
It's going to be a process. Along with so many of my (white, liberal elite) friends, I am taking a bit of time to wallow in the shock and dismay. I am letting myself read articles that scare the shit out me (though I WON'T listen to the news!) so that I can let the fear run its course. I am dropping to the level of the enemy by calling them the enemy and getting really really pissed off at them.
But I don't intend to stay here. Dismay, hate, mourning.... part of the process but not part of the solution.
What IS the solution?
I have no clue.
I don't know how to fix any of this!!!
But I know that I have to at least try. Put forth more effort! I know that haven't done enough. I've sat back in the luxury of all my white privilege, the comfort of my lucky life, and assumed it would all just work out in the end. Lots of other smart people were in charge. The future would unfold in a logical way. I would exercise my civic duty, vote on the side of history, and carry on.
We thought we'd elect Hillary to look out for us. She would smash the patriarchy for us! She would protect the vulnerable! She would promote equality and straighten out that dysfunctional federal government of ours, no problem. She's a rock star, after all. The best person for the job.
Well. It turns out, we're going to have to do all of that for ourselves.
So-- today is day 1. I am taking charge. I am making change. I am starting with myself. Them I am going to give to others. Then I am going to head out into my community and give some more. Then I am going to find a way to use my gifts and energies to advocate for those who do not have privilege to hide behind. And then I am going to change the world. I am going to have faith that I will find the way when I am ready for it.
I'm bringing this blog space back to life to chronicle my journey. I think it is going to take longer than 30 days. I don't think I will write daily-- at least not for long. But I think I will need some accountability here. Once the anxiety fades and I start to slip back into my comfort zone and the safety complacency, I will have a written record to spur me on.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Day 1 accomplishments:
Connected and shared my evolving emotional state, in real time, with 3 million new friends on Pantsuit Nation. Blew up my Facebook feed with updates on threads and comments and shares. Joined 3 other feminist action groups with my new friends.
Wrote a large number of sappy posts to share my emotions and intentions with the world. (see captures below). Realized that my emotional state and intentions do not really line up. Realized I need to be patient with myself about that.
Woke up and showered. Put my contacts in.
Showed up for life (which somehow went right along) and taught a full day of school on 2 hours of sleep.
Signed up to help 3 families through Holiday Hands. Signed an online pledge to advocate for women of color. Searched out and saved a number of links for volunteer and service opportunities near Cleveland.
Hugged my kids and plastered them with kisses. Hugged my husband for a nice long time. Had an exceedingly normal family dinner. Made plans to write letters to Hillary with the kids tomorrow.
Ate a totally great, healthy diet all day except for when I totally ate almost all of the candy I had stashed in my classroom "store" for my students. oops.
Took Ivy to ballet. Smiled for real watching her dance with her friends-- of all colors, all religions and nationalities) in our community center, surrounded members of my (reliably blue, beautifully diverse) community. Walked a mile on the track.
Expressed my gratitude for my friends on Facebook. Expressed my continuing desire to maybe just move to a commune in a foreign country. Expressed my desire to be kind and do more.
Snuggled kids before bed.
Vacuumed.
Talked with my mom.
Snuggled my pets.
Wrote this post.
I think I have done enough for today. Off to bed. There is work to do tomorrow.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Facebook posts written between 11pm on the 8th and 10 pm on the 9th. I did not copy here the insane number of comments I posted. Can I tell you how great it was to be able to give instant feedback and get instant feedback on that online forum in the middle of the night? SO many people, all in it together, all being so kind to one another, all speaking the same emotions. It was the only thing that kept me sane for a few hours...
(in time order. First posting was when it became apparent that the election polls had been WAY way off....)
Can't watch. Never did like horror movies. Going to go read a book and start planning my emigration. Or the revolution. Or... something. Ashamed of Ohio right now.
Still up at 3 am. final results nearly in..
Exhausted. Can't sleep. When I close my eyes my mind starts racing. Who's up with me? I need to be at work in 5 hours- tomorrow is not going to be fun. On any level.
5am. Done deal.
I will tell my kids: we will need to fight harder. We will need to love more. This does not define our family. We will need to be the change, every day.
Revised public post.
I will tell my kids: .
We will need to fight harder.
We will need to love more.
This does not define our family.
This is not the outcome we wanted, but America is still our country.
We will not turn our backs.
We will keep each other safe, and speak for those who may be silenced. We will live our values and act as leaders, and not bow to the power of fear or anger. We will be better than that.
This does NOT define our family, our friends, our schools, our community, or the country we believe in.
We will not let it!
We will need to fight harder.
We will need to love more.
We will need to fight harder.
We will need to love more.
This does not define our family.
This is not the outcome we wanted, but America is still our country.
We will not turn our backs.
We will keep each other safe, and speak for those who may be silenced. We will live our values and act as leaders, and not bow to the power of fear or anger. We will be better than that.
This does NOT define our family, our friends, our schools, our community, or the country we believe in.
We will not let it!
We will need to fight harder.
We will need to love more.
healding out into the real world...
After getting my coffee.. Virtual friends in a "secret" moderated group = safe and cozy!!! Real world = scary!!
OK. Deep breath. My intention today is to greet the world with kindness and love. But when I walked into Starbucks this morning, I could not look anyone in the eye. Because I don't know who they voted for. And I could feel myself succumbing to anger and fear. Reminding myself: most of the people who voted for him are not bad people. They are scared people. Which means they need my kindness even more. This is going to be really hard.
At work...
Arrived at work. Saw a student-made anti-bullying poster on the wall. Thought to myself, "How will we teach that message to our children, when America just elected a bully as president??" Started to cry.
So, readjusting my goals fo myself for today: Survive. Think about kindness. Be patient with myself. Huddle together with my like-minded loved ones. Seek strength.
Tomorrow: Start changing the world.
Tomorrow: Start changing the world.
Bad employee... I was totally on facebook all day. Except when I was teaching surprisingly dynamic and successful lessons to my kids, that is!
I saw a powerful post about what a woman planned to tell her daughter-- to paraphrase: yesterday we thought we would elect Hillary, and she would look out for us and the people we care about. Today we realize we are going to have to do that for ourselves. For each other. We will take care of each other.
Thoughts as of 5pm tonight.
So, I have decided to swear off of all broadcast media for the foreseeable future. Because it turns out I never want to hear the voice of a certain president elect, ever again. This means that during this tumultuous night and day, all of my interactions with the larger world, and updates on current events, have come from my Facebook feed.
I am experiencing intense emotions about my Facebook feed right now. It turns out, I have created quite the safe, liberal enclave for myself on here. My feed is full of nothing but posts from articulate, intelligent, freethinking, kind hearted, liberal and loving people. As I scroll through, I am struck by the fact that you couldn't find a better collection of human beings anywhere. They all amaze me, inspire me, and fill me with gratitude and joy for the privilege of knowing them. But! The posts from these wonderful humans – they are full of despair, anger, so much fear. Just like my own. And I am so angry and hurt about seeing my friends angry and hurt! And I am so scared for our world, that there can be a turn of events which leaves the best minds and hearts in society reeling and paralyzed. Not cool, America. Not cool.
My only hope, as I check notification after notification, reading one thoughtful post or article after another, is this: if all of these brilliant minds and good hearts can truly come together, truly energize, and work for change – how can we not make the world better?
In it for the long game with you, my friends and family. I love and believe in every one of you. We are mourning, angry, scared, and hurting. We are shocked and appalled. I hold onto the hope that we can use these emotions to rise up stronger.
(That, or we are going to form one really kick ass commune when we all move to that private island off the coast of Canada. Not quite ready to take that option off the table just yet...)
Saturday, August 29, 2015
Plugging along
Nothing like getting started on a motivating and large-scale project and then promptly leaving town for a beach vacation, then a weekend at the lake, then starting school and dealing with loss.
Suffice it to say, the great Tidying has found itself a bit off the rails.
But I have not abandoned it! Not by a long shot. In the midst of dealing with All The Things, stopping to clear out a closet or a corner of the basement actually feels kind of ... good. Fulfilling. Lightening. We've done quite a bit of removing over the last two weeks and while I'm not truly honoring the category method, I am still noticing a tangible change in our house. Drawers and shelves that have empty space... with nothing encroaching back into it. Places in the basement where you can almost see the walls. I feel almost like the house is standing taller, taking a deep breath.
We're not there yet. But I feel like we have taken a real step on the journey.
Over the next few weeks I will be trying to get back to categories, with full documentation and before / after photos (because who doesn't love before/after photos??) But for today-- here is what is on my mind:
Why in god's name is it so difficult to find new homes for your discarded possessions??
I know, I know. I am supposed to just throw it all away. Truly discard all these things that do not bring me joy. But! How wasteful can you get??? The environmentalist in me just throws a fit when I try to put a perfectly re-useable item into the trash. So its been piling up, all this good stuff that I just don't want. In nicelyorganized piled boxes and bins throughout the house.
We can I know, take it all to the Salvation Army. But it seems to me that we ought to be able to get all this stuff directly to the people who can use it, right?
So much work.
So much coordinating of drop offs and pickups. Moving bags from porch to trunk and back to porch when you haven't been able to get to that drop-off all week and you need your trunk back. So much schlepping up and down the stairs, pulling in and out of closets. So much dragging on and off of lawns for (very disappointing) yard sales. Can't even give some of this stuff away on the tree lawn!
I have this little dream that someone will come over while I am work and remove all the things I don't need. This magical person will somehow know the things I need to keep and those I can let go of, and when I return home, all the extra will just be ... gone! Off to new lives, all those things, happily serving and feeling loved and useful for a change, zip zip! Can you imagine!
Sigh. I will keep dreaming, and in the meantime I will keep schlepping, dragging, and plugging along. It's a process, and it will be worth it, right?
Suffice it to say, the great Tidying has found itself a bit off the rails.
But I have not abandoned it! Not by a long shot. In the midst of dealing with All The Things, stopping to clear out a closet or a corner of the basement actually feels kind of ... good. Fulfilling. Lightening. We've done quite a bit of removing over the last two weeks and while I'm not truly honoring the category method, I am still noticing a tangible change in our house. Drawers and shelves that have empty space... with nothing encroaching back into it. Places in the basement where you can almost see the walls. I feel almost like the house is standing taller, taking a deep breath.
We're not there yet. But I feel like we have taken a real step on the journey.
Over the next few weeks I will be trying to get back to categories, with full documentation and before / after photos (because who doesn't love before/after photos??) But for today-- here is what is on my mind:
Why in god's name is it so difficult to find new homes for your discarded possessions??
I know, I know. I am supposed to just throw it all away. Truly discard all these things that do not bring me joy. But! How wasteful can you get??? The environmentalist in me just throws a fit when I try to put a perfectly re-useable item into the trash. So its been piling up, all this good stuff that I just don't want. In nicely
We can I know, take it all to the Salvation Army. But it seems to me that we ought to be able to get all this stuff directly to the people who can use it, right?
So much work.
So much coordinating of drop offs and pickups. Moving bags from porch to trunk and back to porch when you haven't been able to get to that drop-off all week and you need your trunk back. So much schlepping up and down the stairs, pulling in and out of closets. So much dragging on and off of lawns for (very disappointing) yard sales. Can't even give some of this stuff away on the tree lawn!
I have this little dream that someone will come over while I am work and remove all the things I don't need. This magical person will somehow know the things I need to keep and those I can let go of, and when I return home, all the extra will just be ... gone! Off to new lives, all those things, happily serving and feeling loved and useful for a change, zip zip! Can you imagine!
Sigh. I will keep dreaming, and in the meantime I will keep schlepping, dragging, and plugging along. It's a process, and it will be worth it, right?
Monday, August 3, 2015
Next up: Medicine cabinets
Back from vacation and back to work.... We know how to have fun around here! Tonight: Medicine Cabinets. All three of em. Because everyone needs three medicine cabinets, right?
Two of which are pictured below. (The third, a drawer of random travel sized toiletries and lightbulbs) was tackled rather spontaneously last night after tucking in the kids.)
Before:
The assembled clutter... 8 years worth of accumulation...
Mid-sort. I find I create a circle as I work through each category.
After:
 |
| Kitchen: Only medicines are in middle bin-- vitamins and painkillers. The joy of empty space inside a cabinet should not be underrated... |
 |
| Bathroom: The rest of the medicines are here, upstairs storage has been freed up for bedding. Extra space in this cabinet now houses toilet paper and cleaning products, which were previously shoved into the space around the toilet. Getting better around here, one forgotten little corner at a time.. |
It's a good start, at any rate...
Now, what to work on tomorrow???
Wednesday, July 22, 2015
Categories
I'm posting here a list of categories I plan to tackle. Dealing with this mess of a house in part-acts.
Marie advises working in order, from clothes, to books, to papers, to komono (Japanese for miscellany, which is a very large category around these parts), to sentimental items.
So far, it seems I am not being very true to the method, as I've jumped right in to komono..
I hope to get back in order soon but it turns out that the first three categories are SO vast and all encompassing that I have not been up to taking them on, in the limited time I have to devote to this project. I have this feeling that Marie works mostly with single people living in single rooms or small homes, not people trying to organize the clothes, books and papers for an entire household...
I am hopeful that breaking things down will help me feel more empowered.
Please feel free to comment and add category ideas!
Clothing (per person):
Exercise clothes/ swimwear
loungewear/pajamas
Socks
Coats
sweaters
daily wear-- summer
daily wear-- winter
shoes
accessories -- bags, scarves, belts etc
jewelry- done!
Books-- subdivided by person:
reference
fiction
sentimenal (old textbooks, etc)
Papers:
household files
school-related
saved papers for each child
photo albums
Linens:
towels/washcloths
cleaning rags
sheets/blankets
Dishes:
Mugs- done!
glasses
plates/bowls
pots/pans/baking
tupperware/storage/travel mugs
misc cooking
serveware
display/special dishes -- what do I do about those??
food:
baking
pantry
Medicine cabinet supplies
Games
Art supplies- done!
Scrapbooking supplies
Office supplies
notebooks/paper
Toys:
Building toys
play kitchen
dress up
puzzles
pretending sets
miscellaneous
Tools
hardware
electrical cords/lightbulbs/batteries
small appliances
picture frames/art/framed photos
Sports gear (skiing etc)
camping supplies
laundry supplies
Basement (on here as a reminder that I fully intend to get rid of 80% of what is down there, regardless of category, with the exception of my holiday decorations which are sacrosanct. Kidding. They're just stored already and I'll deal with them as each holiday rolls around...)
Marie advises working in order, from clothes, to books, to papers, to komono (Japanese for miscellany, which is a very large category around these parts), to sentimental items.
So far, it seems I am not being very true to the method, as I've jumped right in to komono..
I hope to get back in order soon but it turns out that the first three categories are SO vast and all encompassing that I have not been up to taking them on, in the limited time I have to devote to this project. I have this feeling that Marie works mostly with single people living in single rooms or small homes, not people trying to organize the clothes, books and papers for an entire household...
I am hopeful that breaking things down will help me feel more empowered.
Please feel free to comment and add category ideas!
Clothing (per person):
Exercise clothes/ swimwear
loungewear/pajamas
Socks
Coats
sweaters
daily wear-- summer
daily wear-- winter
shoes
accessories -- bags, scarves, belts etc
jewelry- done!
Books-- subdivided by person:
reference
fiction
sentimenal (old textbooks, etc)
Papers:
household files
school-related
saved papers for each child
photo albums
Linens:
towels/washcloths
cleaning rags
sheets/blankets
Dishes:
Mugs- done!
glasses
plates/bowls
pots/pans/baking
tupperware/storage/travel mugs
misc cooking
serveware
display/special dishes -- what do I do about those??
food:
baking
pantry
Medicine cabinet supplies
Games
Art supplies- done!
Scrapbooking supplies
Office supplies
notebooks/paper
Toys:
Building toys
play kitchen
dress up
puzzles
pretending sets
miscellaneous
Tools
hardware
electrical cords/lightbulbs/batteries
small appliances
picture frames/art/framed photos
Sports gear (skiing etc)
camping supplies
laundry supplies
Basement (on here as a reminder that I fully intend to get rid of 80% of what is down there, regardless of category, with the exception of my holiday decorations which are sacrosanct. Kidding. They're just stored already and I'll deal with them as each holiday rolls around...)
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